Nathaniel BrandenThe Psychology of Romantic Love: Romantic Love in an Anti-Romantic Age

This is a terrific book that explains what romantic love is, where it comes from and what is needed for it to last. Branden comes from the self-interest perspective on this, where he, I believe correctly, notes that romantic love is both self-interested and other-interested, and to put the emphasis on other-interested only in a self-sacrificial form is ultimately destructive of romantic love. This latter approach to romantic love is the mindset of the codependent, people pleaser who comes from a place of low self-esteem. Such a mindset often leads to resentment for efforts that go unrecognized. Romantic love starts and grows where both partners have a decent amount of self-esteem and can have a long-lasting tenure if both partners can accommodate growth and evolution in the other. The self-interest component comes into play because a person is seeking affirmation and validation and gets it through another person, who reflects back to them who they are.

As a romantic who gets caught up very much in love when in love, I’ve become intrigued to understand the human mind when we experience these feelings and emotions and how we have come to live with love. The author delivers an astounding job researching back to how we loved then vs now and adding not only his own experience but, most importantly, including others as well and constructing the concept of romantic love in an interesting and digestible way for anybody to enjoy. If you’re a true romantic or simply intrigued by the psychological aspect of human emotion, then I stand by this book and recommend reading!!!

The title tells it all.We live in an age of increasing fascination with technology and self awareness gleaned from networking via screen vs seeing our reflections in the eyes of others.While I am fascinated with what technology has revealed about human nature in studies that enable us to peer into the inner workings of body and brain and heart, the message of this non science based book rings true in these technologically driven studies:Love is a reaction of body and brain and that 'chemistry' we feel is real.Nurturing and sustaining love requires engaging in the moment authentically with an other-getting 'in the zone' where connecting generates deep admiration and creates the feelings of deep romantic love for which we strive.Self-esteem is the basis of being able to love in that way that nurtures the growth, evolution, and full expression of an other. With self-esteem, we can feel and express admiration for the person we love.Without self-esteem, we are prone to feeling the perceived threat that drives us to extinguish our admiration for the other and pulls us into jealousy.Communicating our true feelings including fears is key to jump starting and sustaining the connection required for romantic love.And when a relationship can not accommodate such vulnerable and real communication, it does not provide the potential for true romantic love - a good sign of when to hold, when to fold, when to walk away or run...Branden reads as if he is speaking to you. Taking the time to think with this book, to respond in your head as you might in dialogue with him, makes the book a field for growing your self and opening your heart.

A branch of psychology that is rarely examined so consciously. Not an easy book, but an important one.

I enjoyed this book and took notes separately. I love Nathaniel’s 6 pillars of self esteem and wanted to read this. Nathaniel himself was married a few times. He lost one wife in a tragic drowning accident and had an affair with a Ayn Rand at another point. This made me feel like I could relate to his work since his love life wasn’t perfect and he had himself experienced heartbreak a few times. One of the biggest things I related with was that we choose a partner that validates our existence. I am paraphrasing but Nathaniel says “in you, I see myself”. He has a lot of other ideas in here which I could logically and emotionally relate to. This book also made me start more self reflective work. I would recommend this to people so that they could make better decisions in choosing, staying, or leaving a mate. It is one book that will help make an impact on a big part of our lives.

Nathaniel Branden always hits the nail on the head. I love Ayn Rand and as her male, contemporary, I must say that I can not get quite enough. I love Branden's traditional discussion around Self-Esteem, Responsiblity, and awareness of the self and for one's life but this masterpiece concerning intimacy, love and romantic relationships is what Ayn Rand forgot to say. If you love this title as much as I do then you have got to check out "What Love Asks of Us" also known in later editions as "The Romantic Love Questions&Answers" both by Nathaniel Branden, of course.**Check out these Kindle books to get the party started today. Enjoy!*Honoring the Self: The Pyschology of Confidence and Respect*What Love Asks of Us*The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem*My Years with Ayn Rand*The Psychology of Self-Esteem*A Woman's Self-Esteem: Struggles and Triumphs in the Search for Identity