The Heroin Diaries: Ten Year Anniversary Edition: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star

In 1987 Motley Crue recorded Girls, Girls, Girls, toured with the then unknown Guns 'n Roses, sold out shows around the country (and world) and partied like they always had a day left to live. The previous book to tell the tale of this excess, The Dirt, felt more like a glorification of the excesses of the band, even though it addressed all the drug abuse Nikki Sixx subjected himself to, subsequent overdoses that almost killed him and reemergence towards a cleaner lifestyle. Basically, you take those chapters of The Dirt and make them their own book and you have The Heroin Diaries. The book is set up like a diary. In fact, it is a diary: the book accounts the year (Christmas 1986 to Christmas 1987) that Nikki spiraled down a deep hole of addiction and depression and kept insanely careful track of it in a notebook. In addition to his entries (cleaned up a bit so we can understand them), Nikki includes commentary from himself as well as those who were close to him at the time (it's clear that a lot of care and work was undertaken to get all of these voices lined up to tell this story). I'm reminded of one entry where Nikki says in passing that he had a blast at a radio interview the other night, but probably got the DJ fired. The commentary afterwards is the DJ's account of the debauchery that went down that night (and, yes, he did indeed get fired). Nikki doesn't pull any punches and asked all of his contributors to do the same. They are brutally honest and help paint a magnificent picture of what it is like to find yourself on a speeding train charging forward into a brick wall. If you ever wanted to know what the rock and roll lifestyle was like, or what it feels like to be addicted to drugs, this is the memoir for you. It's actually amazing to me that there could possibly have been any lucid entries. We assume of course that a number of them were cleaned up by the editor, but there are times when you are stunned at Sixx's foresight into the future of the industry (the eventual downfall of the hair metal genre by the flood of copycat bands), the future of the band (that they'd make their next record a #1 album) and even his own dim foreboding of the consequences of his lifestyle. He talks to the diary as if it were a person, as if it were his wife and only confidant in the world during that year (and it probably was). He addresses it with things like, "I have to go to the show now, but I'll see you when I get back tonight." When he departs without an entry for several days (sometimes simply because he is sober and sane) he is always apologetic and makes jokes about how he only writes to it when he is on drugs. The book pages are broken up with scribblings, notes that presumably came out of the original dairy (To Do lists, lost lyric ideas, notes and the like), drug abuse inspired art and photographs of the people and places addressed, as well as song lyrics from a whole career of Sixx's songwriting. There are Motley Crue songs, songs from his 58 solo album, and songs from bands Nikki has adored in his life and reflect his lifestyle then and now. Each chapter is a month in the year, with an introduction, intermission and afterward included to set us up, take a break to reflect and plow forward into the future. The afterward in particular is interesting, because in it Sixx explains what happened in his life after that year: getting on and off the drugs, his failed marriages, his struggling band, his solo projects; everything (he calls it his Life After Death). It goes up to and beyond everything covered in The Dirt, and answers a number of niggling questions leftover from that book, like what was going on during the Girls Tour, what did some of the people mentioned in that book think about things discussed (Slash talking about his interactions with Nikki back then and his own struggling band and drug addictions), or whatever had become of certain events (like all that drama with Vanity). I found myself taking the ups (yes, there were good days) and downs along with Nikki on his ride of drug use, paranoia, rage, attempts at detox, thrills and pitfalls of touring, women, joys of songwriting and love of music, falling off the wagon, struggling on, wondering if he was killing himself, hoping for a way out, dying and coming back to life. I found myself reading an entry, wondering a question about it, and having it answered by the commentary. I also found myself wondering if the now clean and sober Vanity, turned Evangelist, is really any less insane than she was back then. Sure the drugs are gone, but the woman seems like she has a few permanent screws loose (there's one entry where she rambles on about the devil, leaving you thinking, "huh?," and then there's Nikki's commentary under hers going "Huh?" as well: fantastic!). The book has a message and Nikki Sixx has a hope that by writing this, that by laying his weaknesses bare for the world to see, that maybe that message can get through to people: the tunnel is dark but there is a light at the end, and even though it's probably better if you don't get into that tunnel in the first place, just because you are there doesn't mean there is no hope for you. I'm definitely sold on this book, as I was already sold on the sountrack weeks ago. I highly recommend it to fans of the band, fans of rock and roll, people interested in learning about the dangers of excess and any open-minded and curious individuals in general. It's a good read all around.

Incredibly good read — I tore through it in just a few days. It’s an eye-opening look at someone you’d think was living their best life, yet was actually spending nights hiding in a closet, strung out on dope. It’s honestly incredible that any of these guys survived. Raw, brutally honest, and deeply vulnerable — Nikki lays bare the true horror of addiction without glamorizing a thing.

Best Book for those struggling with addiction or those in recovery

This book was flat out AMAZING. If you've ever want a true glimpse into a rockstars life, this is the book to read. If you want a true gritty look to what it's like to be a hard core addict, this is the book to read. If you just like to read, this is the book to read. I remember watching an MTV or VH1 show about drugs and bands and seeing Nikki talk about the fateful night when he died only to come home and immediately shoot up again, waking up with the needle still in his arm. So to read this book and see the road that brought him to that moment and hear it in more detail was really intriguing. Not one point of this book disappointed me. The book itself is a work of art. The design of it paints the picture of a dark time and complements the storyline. It's obvious some serious heart and soul went into every part of this book. Even the paper is quality stuff. What's really amazing about this book is how completely honest everyone is. I really admire not just Nikki for being so open, but everyone involved. I love how the entries from Nikki have additions of others who were there alongside him at that moment. Not just Tommy, Mick and Vince but other artists like Slash or his mgmt team/family. The Vanity ones are way out there...although I like the one where Niiki adds a "huh?" afterwards. Nice! But everyone is so brutally honest about what was happening then, not just to Nikki but their own involvement and doings. And Nikki really let his emotions and true feelings be seen for what they are. Even when he was a junkie at his worst, I found myself really admiring him for not lying to himself. He is not a man of excuses. I started high school to Shout at the Devil and Crue was my first "metal love" musically. Their Decade to Decadence greatest hits CD is one of my all time fave metal CDs. This book is set Dec 86 to Dec 87 which was my senior year. It was really cool to think back as to what I remember going on in my life and thinking "wow...this is when this was going on". I saw them in 2005 and I'm really glad I did. Just like I'm really glad I found this book.

Disclaimer: This review is shaped by personal opinion, contains modest spoilers, and is only possible because of the hard work of the author(s) who wrote this book (to whom, for better or worse, I am grateful). This book delivered exactly what I expected: a rambling, chaotic, drug-filled compilation of musings and interviews roughly crammed into the form of a memoir. For all of this, the book both satisfies and disappoints. The book satisfies the idle curiosity I had about life as a rock star (Nikki Sixx--a name that proved irksome every time I was required to read it and now proves even more so in the typing--was the writer and bassist behind Motley Crue). It also proves to be an interesting account of drug addiction from an insider's perspective. The book traces a year in the life of Nikki as he consumes copious amounts of cocaine, heroin, and basically anything else available to him. In the midst of these struggles, he kept a journal which he has now edited and interspersed with interviews from characters in his journals. The concept is intriguing and executed well. However, the narrative, as with the life of a heroin-fueled touring rock star, is tangled and fairly repetitive. What is most compelling in this story is the author's (see how I avoided typing his name this time?) honesty. He is unflinchingly honest, mostly candid, and even includes excerpts of interviews with people who hate his guts. The book delivered exactly what I expected. Because of this, it was a bit boring to read at times. At a certain point, one becomes inured to another tale of drug induced delusions in the closet of a rock star's mansion. Also, I don't know where to include this in my review, but I feel compelled to at least comment: Vanity is seriously insane. This cocaine freebasing groupie (of Prince first, and then Motley Crue), was a wild character in the author's journals. In her interview portions of the book, even with the benefit of hindsight and the ability to compose her thoughts, she is even kookier. She went from a junkie to a true religious fanatic who calls herself an evangelist and speaks often of Satan's influence in Nikki's life and his need for exorcism. She is a larger-than-life character whom I was never thrilled to see show up in the story again, and yet never put the book down when she was actively involved. One other miscellaneous note: I would have preferred this book in a standard format rather than the highly stylized rock star-esque journal format interspersed with pictures. Maybe I'm just not meant for the rock-and-roll lifestyle, because the violent imagery and hastily censored nudes gave me uncomfortable anxiety as I tried to shield the book (and my embarrassment) from my fellow public transportation commuters. I have not read many rock star memoirs or tales of drug addicts' recoveries. This story provided exactly what I expected and, in doing so, left me a bit underwhelmed. Overall, I enjoyed reading about this lifestyle that is so dramatically different than my own, but I would not read the book again and, because of the content, would be hesitant to recommend to others. B.

Nikki Sixx's story is nothing but fascinating. The style this book was written and the words inside of it felt like I was reading tales from my own journal. No, I never lived as a rock star, nor did I have fame or the things his age and money left him do -- but there's something to be said for the erratic, lucid scribblings of a mad man. I've journaled since I can recall, and these single lines, occasional paragraphs and reasons behind his writings are just as I tend to do myself. There's also something to be said for the unconventional portrayal of one's biography. I no longer possess the attention span to fully follow chapters, paragraphs, and endless stories of someone's entire life. The way this is broken up and frequently changing pace kept my attention and made me appreciate the day to day happenings instead of the standard, "I was born here, went to school here, lost my way, it was crazy, and let my glamourize my downfall" style of most who feel possessed to "write a book" as had now become so common amongst, ooooh, just about everyone. The other thing I really respected in reading this were the tales and accounts of other people in his life. I feel no biography is truly complete until you know how others close to you perceived your life, interactions, and relationships with them. It's one thing to have your own experience, but I feel when something's written merely one-sided from the author's view behind their own skull, you get a lopsided portrayal. It's easy for many to skip accountability and responsibility and inadvertently try to justify all their missteps by simply telling readers why they did what they did or what was going through their mind at the time. It takes a lot of humility and bravery to let others dish about you and let others read the negative things many had to say and share. This book is relatable to many addicts, but also -- I would imagine -- gives a really detailed account of the beast of addiction so many get lost in to those who've never experienced it themselves. I felt it was chronicled so well that someone who's never touched a drug could really see just how things get out of hand so quickly. It wasn't just the fame, the talent, the music that led Nikki to where he ended up .. this story could be anyone's story. And, I feel he made that clear with the very quote even left on the back cover. I am very impressed with this and would recommend it to mostly anyone.

One of the things that I usually find a little problematic with rock starts memoirs is that, even with ghostwriters, they still come across as a little dense or dim witted. Rarely do you see any growth or introspection and when you do, it’s usually kind of ham fisted or performative. That’s not the case here. This book is a grueling, honest look at what that “rock n’ roll” lifestyle can do to a human being. It’s shocking, sordid, sad, and often disgusting...but it’s beautiful in its truth. Because of personal experience with addicts, I am often unforgiving of them, but this book reveals the truth of the phrase “hurt people hurt people,” and to see the “real-time” thoughts of someone in the throes of addition gives my judgment a shake and brings about a lot more empathy for people in this kind of pain. I always assumed that all rock stars were kind of the same: that it was all an act; that when the show was over or the video wrapped, they wiped off the make up and went home to a “normal” life. This book shatters that assumption completely! The filth, the grit, the sex and the drugs...all there. The author is a creative, intelligent and artistic person who has walked on both sides of the light and dark places and has written a valuable book about addiction. A person gets everything they ever thought they wanted...but still can’t fill up that empty space, so they keep trying to fill it with excess. It’s crazy. Hats off to the author for being sober as a judge without losing any of his cool and for sharing the fact that his heart and perspective have grown.

Great gift