The Flourishing Family: A Jesus-Centered Guide to Parenting with Peace and Purpose

This book stands alone when it comes to parenting from a Biblical perspective thats also backed by neuroscience. You could easily put it the other way as well, it lays out parenting from a neurological perspective thats also Biblically based. Having studied neurology at a graduate level I always found myself in awe at the way we are hardwired and how it points us to a divine, loving, intelligent, and relational creator. I came from a loving Christian household that used punitive punishment, and although I “turned out fine,” I have aways felt that certain punitive punishments are not as effective when it comes to discipline and discipleship. This book is refreshingly not written by people who think that their parenting success equates to being an expert and therefore they should write a book so others can follow their methods. The Flourishing Family makes a compelling case against typical Christian parenting methods i.e. punitive punishments that include methods such as time outs, spanking, grounding from certain toys or activities, etc. I’ll admit that previously I would have thought these suggestions were unbiblical and even child abuse in itself. But coming from a Biblical and then neurological angle, both conclude separately yet unanimously that this is not the best way. When disciplining using fear as the motivator, it can give us quick outcomes and immediate behavior modifications. But children aren’t able to discern actual vs perceived threats, and this will have lasting implications (perhaps this could be a piece of the confusing puzzle why many of us have extreme anxiety responses over non-life threatening things such as an exam). Sending a child who does not have the ability nor has been taught how to self regulate or how to identify emotions and reflect upon actions and their outcomes to the time out chair is not going to produce the type of discipleship that we hope for our children. These are sure ways to create unnecessary resentment and distance in relationships. But if the goal is for a heart change in our children then using love as a motivator for change (due to my previous biases I would have rolled my eyes at that statement) will get us closer to being a “flourishing family” rather than a family that is stuck in the stress response cycle. David and Amanda have completely changed my view on spanking, not only through their Biblical word study in this book, but also through their Christian instagram community. I implore you to go check out their saved stories labeled “Spanking” and read about the astonishing number of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who were spanked as children and experienced sexual arousal and confusing thoughts that opened them up to a whole gateway of concerning problems. I would have never known this was an issue for anyone if it weren’t for them. I respect that at the conclusion of this book they reiterate that this is a model of how to be more Christ-like and not a “prosperity gospel” parenting approach that promises certain outcomes. I think most of us can recognize that even children within the same household will respond differently to certain parenting techniques. Despite making a case against different methods and techniques, they don’t leave us in the dust without offering strategies to use. Much of the book is about how to be a peacemaker in the home, not merely a peacekeeper so that our homes can truly flourish. I highly recommend all my Christian parent friends check this out! It’s already helped me make some beneficial shifts and perspective changes. I’m even disciplining my dog differently now!

As my oldest became a toddler, I soon saw that what “worked” with me for my mom would not work for me with my child. Her responses to my correction were nearly the opposite of how I reacted at her age. The ways and methods I knew to assert and maintain authority seemed to only escalate conflict, and when I considered the fruit and trajectory of things, I could not see how I would keep her “in line” without finding myself moving toward possible abuse. Being sensitive to generational patterns in my family, that was not a risk I wanted to take. I needed the Lord to help me! I knew I did not want to be at odds with my child all day, every day, just hoping that one day, after 18 years, she might then understand all I’d done was for her good and she’d come around and we could finally enjoy our relationship. Thankfully, a friend with children older than mine expressed that she and her husband had felt led to pursue “positive parenting.” I was surprised. I had always assumed (though I don’t know where I picked this up) that whatever that type of parenting was, it produced spoiled, disrespectful brats and parents who dislike their kids. But as I watched this family, I saw that they embodied much of what I wanted for my own. So I started to explore and pray, and compare what I learned with scripture. I began to think deeply about what my goals really were as a mother, and how to accomplish them without getting stuck in cycles that feed an adversarial dynamic. I thought about the fatherly way God has led me— with great patience and gentleness, and how the mandate of scripture to impress the word of God on our children implies that our relationship with them is the primary way God intends our faith to be passed on. Keeping that bond healthy is of greater importance than simply my or my child’s feelings. When I realized my goal was to cultivate a character marked by the fruit of the Spirit, to lead by example and build trust, I knew I needed to learn more than the reactions that came by default. The Ericksons have provided an excellent resource that is more thoughtful, balanced and accessible than a lot of what is out there— I dare say, maybe even most of it. The perspective and mindset shifts they teach are priceless and will empower countless families to break generational patterns of broken parent-child relationships. In The Flourishing Family, the Ericksons address child development, neuroscience AND sin— in both children and parents, and unpack many passages of scripture that come up when we examine parenting, discipline and discipleship. Some voices in the world of parenting seem to avoid or ignore foundational doctrine that most Christians are trying to apply as parents. Others give advice that seems to contradict many biblical truths about the character of God as a father, and the Savior who we are to imitate. Many people have heard teaching that was either misguided, unrealistic and perfectionistic, or simply ineffective for their own family despite being seen as traditional. I believe many Christian parents have been curious about learning more tools for correcting their children in a life-giving and trust-building way, but have been suspicious and apprehensive because of negative things they heard about “gentle parenting ideology”. If you are one of those, I really hope you’ll read this book. I believe it will address your concerns thoroughly and help you choose a parenting approach that is fully informed and led by Spirit and Truth, to the glory of God! In The Flourishing Family, you will find an invaluable treasure of wisdom, encouragement and exhortation. I’d love to give a copy to every parent I know!!!

I’ve followed Flourishing Homes and Families for several years now so I’m very familiar with most of the topics in the book. But every page is still super helpful and encouraging. Such a good reminder! I’m so impressed with how much wisdom and sound biblical application can come in a single book. It’s truly been such a blessing in my life to have practical advice and tips on raising kids in a world where so many of us are first generation authoritative parents just winging it. Most of us were raised authoritarian or permissive. I will always recommend this book to anyone who is confused about gentle respectful parenting as well as the parents who are genuinely looking for answers. I love that it sums up so many questions so fully and eloquently. I love being to able to answer hard questions with “this book answers that really well, you should read it” because I sometimes don’t have the capacity to get into depth on the hard deep questions. Highly recommend!

I have read a lot of great books on child development, but I was trying to also parent better and differently on my own. It was lacking Jesus. Reading the Bible and trying to figure out how to love and serve my family God’s way. It was not working, I needed practical support. Trial and error, hugs and tears. It was overwhelming! This book is so encouraging, biblical, and practical. They get it. They have been through challenges and triggers. Truly it is like talking with a friend. I feel mentored and supported. We can love and teach our kids with the help of science and the discipleship from Jesus’ example to us. I am already seeing the peace in our home only Jesus can bring.

I just finished reading this book with some mom friends in an informal book club, and we thoroughly enjoyed it! The quick reference guide at the end will surely come in handy for quick reminders of all of their main points! It was so refreshing to read a parenting book that guides you through how to parent without guilt, shame, fear, threats, or pain. Children are made in the image of God and should be treated as such. It was healing to read after only reading toxic "Biblical" heavy on the road style parenting books.