The Control Book

A few weeks ago my girlfriend, was at a New York City diner after a TES function chatting with some of her fellow kinksters and one of them had a well loved, dog eared, and annotated copy of a little paper back called The Control Book sitting on the table. She asked to have a look at it, read a quick section and thought it was something I would like. That night over skype she recommended it to me. She was right. I love it!The Control Book by Peter Masters is not your typical book on dominance and submission. In my experience the typical kink book spends the bulk of its time on the what and the why of bondage and SM. They look on D/S as almost an afterthought, or a product of the other things that we do, as though if you spank them it will come. The control book is different. It is fundamentally about control: having it, giving it, sharing it, and being aware of it.Over my kink education (short as it has been) I've been exposed to many discussion and debates about what seperates tops from dominants. This discussion is everywhere: in print, in dungeons, and online. It seems like one of those things that people just seem to know, but no one can clearly articulate. This is an area where Masters really comes through, communicating this difference more clearly and more succinctly than I've heard it put before. The difference is control sensitivity.The Control Book doesn't spend time talking about why someone might be a control sensitive dominant or submissive. It doesn't waste pages on personal anecdotes, or colorful fluff. What is left is all meat.The beauty of The Control Book is its codification of what happens when someone takes control. Every time we take control of our submissives, regardless of what we're controlling or how we're acquiring that control, the process contains the same distinct elements or steps. It's easy to hear steps and think this book is a "How to" of dominance. Well, it is and it isn't. Its not cookbook dominance, its not take one dash hair pulling add one cup firm tone of voice and... voila submissive. Rather Masters simply identifies that in each transaction control will be offered, taken, recieved, and excersized. Each of those elements takes countless forms but Masters postulates (and I agree), that they're always present. I expect that being aware of these steps will change the way I approach dominance.The other gem in The Control Book is the time it spends on communication. Everyone knows that communication is more than the words we say. It's also all of the other signals we send, and how we recieve the signals sent by others. Where Masters goes one step further is the delineation of the conscious, subconcious, and unconscious minds. All of these effect both the signals we send and how we recieve signals from others. The real insight is that each element of the mind speaks best to its own counterpart. For example, in reading I realized that my own submissive's unconcious mind is very receptive to unconscious dominant signals, while her conscious mind might be hesitant. Therefore while trying to take control by first giving orders (an act of the conscious mind) is likely to meet resistance. If I instead initiate with a more unconcious signal, like invading her personal space and taking her by the scruff of the neck I can be more successful, and bypass resistance of one mind by speaking to another.I could go on but I'm going to end here. I heartily recommend the book for anyyone who finds themselves sensitive to the ebb and flow of control within thier relationships.Love and Kink.

I have been in the BD/SM Lifestyle for a long time, and in all my years I've read a lot of books, gone to a lot of workshops, and had my fair share of experiences and listened to a lot of people's thoughts and advice. But to be able to learn so much in a single book about control to help me learn both as a Dominant and as a submissive, in a book is not typical. But in here he really takes more of a neutral point of view and explains "Control" itself and what it really means to have control, or release control.Sometimes there seems to be a bit of confusion between a submissive and a Dominant, because they can talk about the same topic and yet seem to have two different perspectives of what it means regarding the power exchange of that level of control. In reading this book it really helped open my eyes to better equip me towards being able to have more precise and accurate levels of explaining what I am asking for or willing to give up. Another big point I saw in reading this book was how we all know that really good submissive or Dominant, and you can outline all the things which makes you feel that way about them, but you don't really see beyond those points. Well this book helped me see more of the underlying currents which help define that good Dom/sub and puts more of what it takes to be that into more of a perspective that you can now pursue.I like how he takes the deep psychological aspects of control and really puts it into a deep and meaningful set of easy to read simple words to convey the point for everyone who takes the time to read it. It truly rates up there as one of the best top-5 BD/SM books I've ever enjoyed reading and have gathered an amazing amount of very helpful knowledge from, a must have for Doms/subs alike who are both new and skilled who want to really take their relationship to the next level and really get more out of it by truly having a greater and better understanding of what defines a BD/SM relationship as it pertains to the degrees they wish to exchange the power and control.

This is an excellent book to introduce the new Master/Dominant in a M/s or D/s relationship about how power, power exchange and the inner workings of obtaining, maintaining, releasing, modifying and controlling total power exchange (TPE) in a BDSM, M/s or D/s relationship.If you are new to the scene and are in need of understanding how TPE works, how to obtain power from your slave/submissive and how to manage that power once it is obtained, then this is the book to get your feet wet.I cannot recommend this book enough; it is definately a must read for anyone in their first 3 months of a M/s or D/s relationship who strives to be the very best. My few regrets with the book is that it is way too short (I feel the author has a whole lot more knowledge on the subject that he can impart upon us), that it has a lot of questions at the end of the chapters which spark some intellectual thought that I would have liked the author to include an appendix whereby he gives his interpretation of answers to these questions, and lastly, that I believe Mr. Masters would bode the BDSM community well if he were to start working on a companion piece of advanced material for those of us interested in this area of the lifestyle.Again, if you are new to the M/s, D/s or BDSM realm, this should be one of the first 2-3 books you purchase and one I believe you will reflect back upon the most, time and again.

if being in control/being the one controled,is an essential need like food and water for you- then this is a book for you.Here the issue of taking and asserting control on a conscious,subconscious and unconscious level is debated in a truly intriguing and profound way.The book provides a lot of room for thought and an opportunity for "heated" discussions with your cherished sub/loving dominant.This book is certainly food for thought and control!

Good book on the various aspects of submission and dominance. Outlined in an easy to read format with well thought out points.

good controle

A grown up book. Gives a real insight.

Poorly written and basic