Never a Girl, Always a Boy: A Family Memoir of a Transgender Journey

What an enlightening and inspiring page-turner! Even though we know how this book ends from the title—Jeremy transitions from being seen as a girl in his youth to claiming his identity as a boy as a young adult—the emerging of his awareness and embodiment of his boy-ness took many steps, and I kept reading to find out what they would be. As a reader, I felt taken along with him on his journey, deeply invested in his struggles and joys, and let in on the nuances of gender identity. The author, Jo Ivester, Jeremy's mother, included not only Jeremy’s perspective but her own journey and the experiences of her husband and Jeremy’s brothers and sisters, so the final effect is a skillfully woven family memoir. This is a transgender story with the ideal family – prosperous parents who have created a stable, loving family of four children, a mother who was a civil rights activist and rebellious tomboy, uncles and aunts who were gay, a father who stands up for LGBTQ equality alongside his wife, and a family who wanted to be accepting of Jeremy’s changes. But even this family faced personal struggles to get to that acceptance, and political struggles to make sure that their transgender son would be safe. Their story highlights both the value of family support and the continuing need for cultural understanding and political protection, so it was inspiring that the family became advocates for the rights of all transgender and LGBTQ people, especially those who do not have the support of families like theirs.

Like Becoming Nicole, this moving memoir is not only an account of an individual’s transition, but also the story of a whole family transformed.The details of Jeremy Ivester’s emerging awareness of self—from tomboyish girl to transgender man—underscore how individual the process of transitioning is. Some people know from toddlerhood that their assigned gender isn’t a good fit. For others it’s a more gradual awareness, sometimes clouded by denial. Jeremy’s journey progressed in baby steps, but it ultimately brought him to a happier life as his authentic self.The story also reveals how, even in a family as supportive as Jeremy’s, there are touchy situations and confusing dynamics to navigate. Thank goodness the Ivester family dealt with all of it so openly and lovingly and became such devoted advocates of transgender rights.Written by Jeremy’s mother, Jo Ivester, Once a Girl impressed me with the sheer scope of the project—incorporating recollections and perceptions of various family members in an honest and sensitive way. A challenge in itself, but one that the author handles gracefully with shifting points of view.Bonus: A section at the end of the book offers helpful advice to parents and friends of transgender individuals.

I just finished reading ONCE A GIRL, ALWAYS A BOY, and it’s an absolutely riveting tale. I purchased the book because I was looking for something current about being transgender--I'm an author of a long running series and have wanted to include a transgender character in a story. It's an idea that's been percolating for ages, but when I saw this book, it sounded like something that would help me create a fully formed character. It's done so much more. I just finished reading it, and my first thought was how lucky Jeremy was to be born into a family so able to love and accept. Too often that's not the case for LGBTQA people.Jo Ivester has done a beautiful job detailing her son’s journey from life as Emily, a serious tomboy, to Jeremy, the young man, with portions written by Jeremy’s father and his siblings, as well as Jeremy. Jeremy’s chapters, beginning with his feelings about always wanting to be a boy even from the time he was very young, through puberty and into young adulthood, give the reader a very personal window into the internal dialog that was so much a part of Jeremy’s decisions. It’s an emotional read, and definitely a “feel good” story of not only Jeremy’s growth as he transitions, but his family’s as well.I definitely recommend this book. It’s beautifully done and I had a hard time putting it down.

I wanted to understand why in the world someone would want to change their sex, endure all that pain and change a perfectly good body that has nothing wrong with it. I also could not understand why anyone could be so dissatisfied with their body to want to do that. I will say I have a clearer understanding of what these people experience growing up in our society. I have also learned of the broader gender spectrum. Living in a very rural community I have always found such behaviors puzzling so when I found this book I knew it would answer many of my questions. I was also incredulous to learn about the discrimination these individuals encounter. I have indeed learned a lot and hope I have a better understanding of these people. I liked how the book was written...excerpts from family members and dates are identified at the beginning of each entry. Jeremy is also fortunate to have a family that was financially capable of supporting him in his quest to discover himself.

I chose this book for a cultural humility project since I don’t really know anyone trans very well & wanted to better understand their journey. I was not expecting to hear mention of both Stephenville & Nacogdoches which are home for me! And my mom works w/ Turbo! Such a small world strangely enough. I really appreciated hearing Jeremy’s journey and also it being from the family’s perspective as well. Thanks for writing this book Jo!

Now that my grandchild is a new and committed trans-man, this book helped me understand the nuance and language I need to support him with all the unconditional love I feel. For those of us who grew up I the 50’s and 60’s, the concept and acceptance of gender dysphoria isn’t difficult, but the vocabulary and politics aren’t as easy to grasp, especially if you want to become a spokesperson to bridge the generational divide. I see Jeremys’s courage in my own grandson and family every day. We’ve all read this book and appreciate the common frame of reference it provides 3 generations.

Quite a different read as shows the transgender journey from all sides of the family, not just the individuals idea of what the family think. Well written.

Really great insightful book. I couldn’t put it down and read it in two days! I loved hearing all of the different perspectives of the family members, how supportive they were as well as the areas where they struggled. I so wish that all members of the LGBTQIA++ community could feel love and support like Jeremy did and still does. Society could do so much better and books like this help lead the way. Thank you!