My Mother, Your Mother: Embracing "Slow Medicine," the Compassionate Approach to Caring for Your Aging Loved Ones Paperback – January 27, 2009

One of my highest words of praise for any book is "lyrical." Dennis McCullough's My Mother, Your Mother is lyrical, meditative and compelling. Dr. McCullough dissects the current state of medical care for Seniors with authority: he is a family physician and geriatrician in practice for over 30 years, faculty at Dartmouth Medical School, and doctor at Kendal at Hanover continuing care retirement community. He writes about Eldercare medicine as a healer and as a son: he interweaves his experiences with his patients with his experiences caring for his mother, who passed away at age 92.Quietly, calmly and forcefully, Dr. McCullough denounces the modern American trend of commercializing medicine, extending quantity of life without necessarily extending its quality. He advocates a return to "Slow Medicine," a conscientiously chosen path of honoring aging for its inevitability, to allow Elders to adjust to their changing circumstances and needs as gradually, completely and carefully as possible.For example, take longer to ask your parents "How are you?" Let them take longer to answer. Let them be as independent as possible in their homes, maybe with some housekeeping assistance and physically modified household aids like grab bars in the shower, instead of rushing them to an assisted living facility with their first serious illness. Help them, if you can, to talk with their doctors: be a scribe and an interpreter who insists on "plain English" conversations. Resist profit-oriented tests and procedures and quick fixes with a multitude of medicines. Find trustworthy friends, community and service providers to supplement your own and your parents' efforts.This is only a glimpse at the depth of this book. It is worth reading.Lauren Williams, Certified Professional Organizer(R), Owner, Casual Uncluttering LLC, Woodinville, WA USA

This book is the most loving guide to caring for aging parents that I have ever read. I experienced all of the stages, though in warp speed, when my wonderful mother became ill at 82 and died just three months later. Years in healthcare and helping others in this process did not prepare me for my own loss and my mother's passing. Dr. McCullough's advice to be vigilant, compassionate, and respectful during the natural process of life nearing the end of itself was very timely. His insightful and life-affirming attention called to the compensation made by elders to difficulties encountered during the aging process was so valuable and so loving. It has made me conscious that my own first response to my mother's perfectly appropriate adaptation to her own life changes was to "rush in", instead of standing back in amazement at the natural sequence of her acceptance in her preparation for what was to come. We have so come to expect and to hope that modern medicine and endless physician appointments and re-hospitalizations will "make things right." All done out of fear and hopefulness, but the outcome, nevertheless, is the same, and we have missed opportunities for acceptance and to appreciate the qualities from the wisdom that comes with age. The lessons will help me to observe and anticipate the "stations" of late life, and to prepare and support. The author so eloquently and so lovingly shared with all of us a lifetime of careful caring for people, to include his own lovely mother, and he obviously loved doing so. This book has given me life lessons that will never leave; it should be mandatory reading for all in the healthcare field.

Found this book may have been difficult to write and it shows up in some of the awkward flow of ideas in some places. At many places though, the flow is very good. The author breaks down the various stages of degeneration of health in old age and lists tasks loving family members and other caring people can do to try and stay one step ahead of the needs. He speaks extensively of slow medicine, a style of care he encourages. The book is specific and vague at the same time, hard to describe, wished he'd been more specific in some places mostly. A good book to start your thinking, more focused for a beginner approaching the planned care of an elder as they fail in health. The tough decisions are all still there, you just get a framework within to make those decisions.

This is a fabulous book for anyone with “late life” family members. The first few pages of the book REALLY impacted my overall thinking and attitude. Wow....The information and guidance the author offers hits very close to home (at least it did in my case)...”dang, I blew that situation”, and, “crap, this is hard”. But when you change your mindset and commit to the process, it’ll make all the difference. I’ve given away multiple copies because people start reading and then look up at me and say, “wow”. Then I get a follow up after they read the book....changed my thinking, how did you find this?, everyone needs to read this book...

My daughter recommended this book, and it was very timely since my own mother is 88 and has gone through some of the experiences the author describes. This is both frightening and reassuring. Frightening because the path ahead looks difficult; reassuring because knowing that what we are going through is similar to what other people are going through is helpful. The author makes his points by telling stories from his practice as a family physician and also as the son of an aging, and eventually dying, mother. His advice is both philosophical (his advocacy of what he calls "Slow Medicine") and practical. As a physician himself he is in a good position to offer advice on how to work with the medical establishment rather than at cross purposes with it. If you have an elderly loved one, are approaching elder status yourself, or both, this compassionate book will help you navigate your own trip up the mountain.