Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction

This book changed my life and has set me free! Patrick Carnes KNOWS what he is writing about. The details in this book are very ACCURATE and the topic has been well studied and researched. Studying about sexual addiction hit me so hard, caused the tears to flow, and the heart and mind to be cleansed and restructured. When I realized I was not alone in this struggle, it helped me immensely, and made me more determined than ever to be delivered from this life-long torment. What is sexual addiction?? It is not all about sex, as most think. It is about love being the drug that soothes the hurts from core feelings of abandonment, loneliness and worthlessness. It is self-destructive behavior with an inability to stop. Familiar themes in lives are family breakups, financial disaster, loss of jobs, risk to life. Most were abused as children, either sexually, physically and/or emotionally. A majority grew up in homes with addictions of alcoholism and compulsive behaviors, and most grapple with these addictions as well. Sexual addiction is the MOST difficult addiction to stop due to its nature; however, it is possible to transform despair and chaos into confidence and peace, resulting in regained trust and restoration of sexual vitality to relationships and a life of self care. What are the signs of sexual addiction??? A pattern of out-of-control behavior; severe consequences due to sexual behavior; inability to stop despite adverse consequences; persistent pursuit of self-destructive or high-risk behavior; ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior; sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy; increasing amounts of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficient; severe mood changes around sexual activity; inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experience; neglect of important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior. These signs get obscured by the shadows of denial, misperception, and prejudice. Addicts are powerless in that they find themselves in situations they've intended to avoid. They lose their way and our loose culture only increases the ability to continue unnoticed. Justification of behavior is reinforced, denial increases, and isolation exists because of the secrets and shame they carry. New hopes and fresh starts end in failed attempts that kill any hope for change. Unworthiness causes them to reject real love and they opt for neurochemical highs of danger, risk, abuse, and pain and the temporary relief of escape. These are their survival skills. This book goes in depth about the addiction and how to take steps to recovery. It is an EXCEPTIONAL book - and it will help you to break free! It has been seven years for me now, and my life gets better each and every day as a result of what I have learned from this information and the actions I have taken that go along with it. Won't you step out on faith and trust that you too can be healed and have a better life?

This book is so remarkably well formatted and informative that it felt like I was reading about my own life at points. An important resource for me on a personal level. I'm structuring my written First Step around the formats of the first four chapters due to how concise it is in regards to the progression of addiction.Be aware however that as it is a fairly dated book it uses a Hard R at one point. If that offends you then just a heads up.

I'm surprised I haven't already reviewed this book. I recommend it frequently since so many people are sexually compulsive, especially in the days of internet porn. I mainly work with people in Christian ministry and sexual compulsions are a common challenge because it is a quiet behavior, mainly involving fantasy and sexual climax unless and until more public behaviors emerge (all addictions are progressive because the same level of simulus does not give the same level of escape over time, leading to a need to escalate frequency, intensity, and so forth.)This book is a little overwhelming for some in ministry because it addresses a whole range of sexualized behaviors, but the beauty of it is that it provides a clear road map of what recovery and escape looks like, based on tracking the journeys of 200 people in recovery. (Compulsions is an easier word to accept than addictions for many. The point in either case is that we do things not in our own best interest and continue to do so over time.)There are many takeaways I find very valuable, including a realistic timeline--1 year minimum to get over the worst part, 3 years to get to a point where there is not just recovery but also growth, and 5 years to recovery if all goes well. Of course, relapses happen, but the journey remains the same. Each step forward makes escape a more realistic possibility.Many just don't have the commitment to read this book. I recommend it more than less explicit, smaller, gentler guides.

Very informative needed it for a class i took

Very informative. I bought this book as the author is considered the expert of experts. I won't bore you with my personal knowledge of betrayal related to sex addiction, which is also known as an intimacy disorder. In order for a person to deal with life a person with an intimacy disorder uses sex, whether it is porn, affairs, a combination of both. I like that this book was able to explain that an addiction is an addiction whether it is from alcohol, drugs, over-eating, gambling, sex, video games or the internet. This is a must read for anyone who thinks sex addiction is a part of a relationship whether as the SA or the partner of a SA. I've read a lot of books on sex addiction. This is one of the best. Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes is also an excellent book. Currently, I am reading Facing Love addiction by Pia Mellody. I highly recommend this book also. I bought all these books from Amazon

This book is the great for those who want to understand sex/love addiction from a clinical perspective, while some of the information might be a bit dated it serves as a solid foundation on which to start your learning. Research has continued to expand the understanding of this form of addiction and it's myriad of manifestations. Dr. Carnes has published numerous books on this subject, however, this one was the watershed work on Sex addiction that legitimized this as a "real" affliction and a treatable disease. While it is readable by anyone, it is best suited for those in the fields of psychology/counselling or for those who appreciate the clinical details that back up the conclusions.

The book is really helpful. The exercises help you understand yourself better. Do forget to do even a single one.

Does what other programs fail to mention. I love the technical explanation

Not only sexual addiction and co dependency is described but also the interconnection between society, the individual forces from childhood are being discussed and analyzed. This book gives answers not only to the groups mentioned above but also helps to take off the stigmatization of sexual addiction and creates an understanding so that everyone sees that sexual addiction is a disease that is penetrating our society more and more but at the same being ignored since the actual scope is simply not yet clear to all of us.

I read a lot of these books searching for good resources in sexual health. Always searching for good resources from all areas of sexual health. This is just as helpful as a different sexual health book might be for a teenager. Not everyone was given good sexual health education when they were younger and would have grown up confused about sex and relationships. This book is good as an indication of where you might be looking for love in the places that will not give you what you are looking for. Whilst defining sexual addiction specifically . There is more than just that in this book.

Interesting read . Informative on the subject .