The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse Kindle Edition

I write this review nearly a year after I was discarded by a CN. Beautiful soul, if you are looking for answers and you’re finding yourself, as I was, endlessly searching articles and videos for something to help you make sense of things, look no further. I highly recommend finding a therapist or life coach first. After all, we need to understand things about ourselves that attracted a CN to us in the first place (most of these being admirable traits). But this book is the best supplemental resource to help you reflect on your situation and understand the actions you need to take on your journey towards healing.I consider myself far along in my healing process. However, like the author, I had to do an enormous amount of digging and researching before discovering the term “Covert Narcissist” and what that entails. For someone suffering through a discard and the relentless barrage of abuse , it was like being blindfolded on the front line of a war zone; you know you’re being attacked, but you don’t know the terrain nor do you know the type of ammo being used against you. Everything is foreign. All you know is the person attacking you appears to have hijacked the mind, body, heart, and soul of the person you thought loved and cared about you. Pain like none other.Debbie Mirza has given us a gift by compiling everything into this book. Like she says, you will get through this and you will emerge better, stronger, and wiser... I know for a fact this is true. I cannot even begin to express the abundance of blessings that came about once I found clarity.Even though I read this book already knowing how beautiful healing feels, I still gained so much. It helped me further refine my understanding of the dynamics between CNs and their targets, as well as knowing what I need to do for myself to prevent toxic people from entering my life again.My only wish is that this book was available to me when I was at rock bottom, feeling isolated and alone.Wishing you a blessed journey along your path to healing.

I've spent some time thinking about this review and how best to say it, because there is so much I could say about it that I don't have enough space here or time! I hope there is a precious woman out there that will read this review and purchase this book because she's dying emotionally, mentally and physically from a bad divorce, but is so confused about why her marriage ended and ended the way it did. After reading scores of books, spending hundreds of dollars on counselling, and trying medication, nothing seemed to help me come to a peace. One night as I was searching for answers by watching YouTube videos, I ran across an interview with this author and after listening to her, I felt like she knew my story personally! Finally, someone seemed to understand my trauma and had some answers. I couldn't get to Amazon fast enough to order the book!I am an avid reader, and I have never been so impacted by a book in my life, (besides the Bible!). I cried many times while reading this book, tears of relief, when the truth she speaks in this book started entering my heart. If you have not been able to move on from a painful divorce but have felt stuck in grief and confusion, this very well might be the book for you! I feel like God put this book in my hands and it has truly saved my life. I am so grateful to Debbie Mirza for writing it. It's given me the understanding and hope that I so desperately needed!

There are some good aspects of the book. The writer emphasizes the differences between overt and covert narcissists (most people are familiar with overts but not coverts). She provides a good list of covert characteristics and much encouragement and support for survivors of covert abuse. In some ways, it's a good "starter" book.But two major covert narc. characteristics were missing: pathological lying and infidelity (cheating). The author mentions that coverts "may" lie, but that's a serious understatement. Covert narcissists are masters of gaslighting, word salad, manipulation, deceit, and psychological abuse...which automatically includes lying and disloyalty. A big problem is that her "case studies" (examples of clients' stories) lack variety. They are people who were in long term marriages with a covert narc. For some reason, she overlooks the much larger population of victims who had dated coverts. As a survivor of over 7 years with a covert "boyfriend", I experienced a shocking degree of lying, deceit, and serial cheating. Coverts are psychopaths. Psychopaths are pathological liars and highly unfaithful. The author also fails to address "trauma bonding", another serious effect victims suffer, which feeds into the cognitive dissonance and makes breaking free extremely difficult. Anyone who has been or is in a relationship with a covert needs to learn about trauma bonding and understand how it's affecting them.I bought this book because it specifically focuses on covert narcissism. I'd hoped to gain more insights into my former relationship with a covert. I've done a lot of reading on the subject of psychopaths and narcissism which has helped me understand and deal with my situation. Unfortunately, I found this book lacks scope and depth on the subject.

If you want to know if someone you love, your partner, boss, parent, sister is a Covert Narcissist THIS book can’t be missed. This is the best book I’ve read from many on the Covert Narcissist.It’s written in plain non-psycho babble wording. It outlines everything you need to know from traits to specific techniques of abuse and cycles this Narcissist puts you through. I broke a cardinal rule for this paperback...Shock! I underlined and highlighted everywhere! With a pen! Arrest-able offence I know. I had to! It was like the author spoke directly to me. Every question I’ve ever had was answered. I’ve had Narcissistic people, both overt and Covert in my life all my life and only now am recognising this abuse that wears you down until there is not a bit of spark left in you.Understanding what you are up against and that a true Narcissist CANNOT and rarely changes can help you start to heal. You can’t apply logic to these people. You are part of a horrible painful cruel game. Sad but true.The author really cares for the reader, those under Narcissist bonds. It really comes across. Every word of this book made sense, brought revelation and clarity. I read this for myself and partly for research for a novel I’m writing. It exceeded all expectations. It’s the only book on Covert Narcissism you need.Five stars. Long Listed for my Top 18 Books of 2018. Get this book. Even if you suspect a Covert Narcissist is in your life. This could be life changing for you.

I have just read the first 18 pages of this book, and I feel physically sick. It is brilliantly written and describes my ex-husband down to a tee. I have been in counselling for the second time, since he left in October 2013. We divorced last year, since his mask has slipped, and I see him for what he truly is - his behaviour during the time prior to and during the divorce got 100% worse. I am starting to heal with a brilliant counsellor specialising in domestic abuse, and I have learnt so much about covert narcissism since he left, through social media ( good sites) YouTube and groups on the Internet. I have had a bumpy ride, and have lost friends through working through my abuse from him - however, they are his flying monkeys and because of his pretend nature, they will keep on taking his side... good luck to them - maybe the rose tinted cellophane wrapping will fall from him one day , and they will be shocked at what they see... they too may also need a copy of this excellent book - thank you Debbie for writing it! x

Three years after my husband discarded me for a replacement and after so much work on self and being in a hugely happier place, I was still struggling to understand why I still felt so vulnerable and so confused after any interaction with him and was ashamed to admit that I still loved him, despite the fact that he had not shown an iota of care or concern for me. THEN I READ THIS BOOK . Epiphany after epiphany. That missing piece of the puzzle that I had hunted high and low for fell into place. I could not recommend this book more highly and cannot thank the author enough for bringing it to print.

I read this book in one sitting. I was seeing a counsellor to better understand my confusion, depression, physical symptoms and to learn how to improve my communication with my husband. After a while she suggested to me he may be a narcissist, so I started reading around the subject and while many traits I could identify others didn’t fit. This book completely hits the mark and at last I have an explanation for the way I felt and emtotions I experienced and while explaining away my husband’s behaviour I always made excuses for. They were so insignificant how could they inflict such pain and anguish? I’m now in the middle of a divorce and so far my husband is behaving exactly as the author predicts, this book has given me the courage to continue and believe in myself. I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s been a lifesaver for me.

This is a short sweet book on the subject of covert narcissism. I especially appreciated the focus on the made-up stories that are fed to you by the narcissist, and eventually by all the people around them too. This is not something that I have found mentioned as much in other books. The Author's warm nurturing feelings towards people who have been impacted by a covert narcissist is clear, without trying to make them victims. Best read in combination with other books for a full view on the subject, but a good affirming addition. Many other books do not offer much on the covert aspect.