No One's the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationship

I can't say enough about this book. It is more than a guide for moms and stepmoms. It actually is a really good self-help book for improving how you interact with just about anybody.I don't remember exactly how I stumbled upon their NOTB website, but I remember that I was intrigued at how these two women managed to overcome the yucky awkwardness of the stepmom/mom relationship to eventually a working relationship and finally to friends.I felt that if they found a way to do it then there was no reason that I couldn't at least have a more cordial relationship with my stepchild's mother. I am actually both a mom and a stepmom, however, the relationship with my eldest daughter was cut off immediately once she went to live with her father and his girlfriend. I never was able to speak to the father, all messages were filtered through his girlfriend which made for a very volatile situation.I was extremely depressed about that, but when I met my husband and he was given primary custody of his son, I looked to the lessons that I had learned from my eldest's daughter's stepmother on what NOT to do, thinking that my stepchild's mother would be grateful that I didn't treat her that way. I was so mistaken. I didn't give her the time she needed to get used to the fact that she couldn't see her child every day. My grief had been a blur and I had blocked out so much of it that when I finally remembered the pain of losing a child to another parent I began to soften up and look for ways to approach the relationship for the sake of the child.I bought the book and read it cover to cover and I have to say that I was surprised at how much I learned about MYSELF. I could not put it down for weeks. I had a kindle version and I would refer to it often. Every day I would try to remember one more important idea. My poor husband had been in the middle of our tension and I knew I had to do something to keep our marriage from suffering because of it.I soon learned that just making changes within myself and giving her (mom) the benefit of the doubt, made a HUGE difference. Even if we were to never be friends, I knew this was going to be a better situation for the child and our family. And let me say, I found that we actually have a lot in common. She is a nice and caring person and I felt bad for judging her based off of what someone else had said. Not that there will not be any bumps along the way, but I feel that this book has given me the knowledge to navigate through this growing trend of second families.I wish that my daughter's stepmom had read it, I would have a relationship with my daughter today :( But you learn even from the hard things in life. Thank you Jennifer and Carol for sharing this with the world. It has made a huge difference in my relationship with not only the stepmother, but my husband, children and others that I have to interact with.I hope society will begin to view the stepmom/mom relationship with newer, kinder eyes. It seems that people instantly have a negative reaction to it, or teachers and outsiders don't know how to interact with all the adults in a child's life. In reality, this is becoming the "new normal". And the person who truly deserves to be commended for this is the Mother because it really is her decision to include the Stepmom in her child's life. I truly appreciate my stepson's Mother for allowing this to happen. I understand (being a mother myself and having to share my children) what it truly takes to let go a little and allow a person you did not pick to come into your child's life and parent along with you. Hopefully society will begin to encourage collaboration between stepmom and Mom instead of perpetuating the drama that comes when children are split between two parents.

I would give this 2.5 stars if that were possible. This is a very simplistic book, easy to read, with very little practical advice. The authors are enthusiastic and the tone is cheerful. I was very excited to order this book but somewhat disappointed with its content.The two authors, a mom and step-mom pair, have written a book anecdotally based on their experiences. Which is great, but not very practical for the majority of blended families, whom are generally complex and variable. I would say about 90% of the book is written as a sort of pep talk, trying to convince the reader why she should attempt to have a positive relationship with the "other woman." Which, considering I am reading a book titled No One's the Bitch that cost me $15, I would say it's safe to assume that I have already reached that conclusion. This is reiterated and emphasized excessively throughout the book-the authors dedicate an entire chapter and the remaining 2/3's of each subsequent chapter trying to "convince" us why having an amicable relationship is a good idea, and this becomes repetitive and turns into filler very quickly. There is some actual advice thrown into the book, but it is extremely simplistic and not anything that I wouldn't have thought of on my own (e.g. "Be nice" "be polite" "say hello" etc).My biggest problem with the book is despite being a book about improving the relationship with the other woman, neither author seems to have done any outside research or talked to anyone else in completing their book. I understand that their own experience (two women open to having a positive relationship with one another) is limited, but if writing a book on the subject they could have reached out to counsellors and experts or other step/bio parents regarding advice for other situations. The kind of practical advice that I think most people are looking for simply isn't there, because it isn't something that the authors can anecdotally relate to. For example, what if you have never met the other woman, and wondering how to proceed? What if she sends harassing messages or is extremely resentful and you are looking for a way to keep communication positive and limit toxicity? How do you (specifically) maintain boundaries while steering conversation to productive areas? About what things (specifically) would experts recommend the bio mom/step mom communicate or not communicate? How about practical advise such as things to say/not say? Like, for example, things to avoid saying for step moms: "I love your children as if they were mine" (Bio-Mom hears: I am their new mother), or things for bio-moms to avoid saying: "I am their mother!" (Everyone knows that and no one disputes it, step mom hears a power play).This book could have been much longer, with much less filler. There isn't really any practical, concrete advice being offered here. A lot of vague, general statements, and a lot of pep talk. You don't need to avoid this book, and if you really want to work on yourself internally and your own resentment towards the other woman, there might actually be some good advice in here for you.

I found this book and the accompanying website to be an amazing lifeline to this new life I chose - being a stepmom. I had no idea what I had just signed up for but these 2 ladies make you feel validated and give you some wonderful practical advice to survive your way through it. I cannot wait for their 2nd book. I would recommend this book at anyone in the Mom/Stepmom relationship. I have found a whole new community of people in my same position thru these pages. This is the instruction manual to a very difficult relationship that keeps it at a kind and positive level while admitting how hard it can truly be. I love that it provides both perspectives and really opened my eyes to the fact that unknowingly my actions and words were causing the relationship harm. The title can come across as a bit offensive but it probably hits us hard because it speaks the truth of what we are thinking about the other woman. It's a very emotional roller coaster and the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It takes a village to raise these kids and a whole supporting cast of friends and family to get the stepmom/mom thru it. Like I said, these ladies understand and relate and help you thru it. I am forever grateful to them and shall keep this book on my Kindle to re-read over and over again. I only wish it would've been a wedding gift! Ha, ha.