The Safety Godmothers: The ABCs of Awareness, Boundaries and Confidence for Teens

The book kicks off with a short vignette about “Abby” - a 15-year old attacked in an alley at night and overcoming her aggressor. My heart started beating faster, as if I was there in that alley, and I experienced just what women do experience when confronted by danger. The explanations that accompany the story are simple and logical – Abby was trained to deal with situations like this, so even though, like any of us, she experienced fear, she immediately went into auto-pilot. And I’m left wondering whether I, a 65-year-old grandma, could do what Abbey did.Let’s be clear. The authors take an holistic approach to defense – this is not a book of tips and tricks, or martial arts. Seeing those as solutions is a misconception. The book is against disrespect and violence of any kind for either gender, but Ellen and Lisa draw a clear distinction between how boys are brought up (to defend themselves, stand their ground, protect women) and how girls relate to defending themselves (it’s not ladylike, be quiet, don’t annoy your aggressor, it might work out).What I learned is that typical strategies that girls and women use don’t work out. Societally, we expect women to be incapable of defending themselves, but as a species, we’re born with an innate defense instinct – we were the protectors of our children when the men were out hunting, we still are. Personal anecdote – I will never forget that surge of adrenalin when someone threatened to kill my new-born baby. Yes, she was mentally ill, but in that moment, I felt capable of murder.On a global scale, the estimates are that 4 out of 5 women will experience a physical attack in their lifetime. I’ve had three. How I wish I read this book at 14 or 15, before those incidents happened. The outcomes would have been very different.Although the intention of the book is to highlight the need for girls and women (and boys and men) to activate their capability to defend themselves, the starting point is to deal with our own blindness to danger (unawareness) and at the other end of the spectrum, our fear. As we grow up as girls, we’re taught to be nice. Unfortunately, “nice” is a barrier to setting boundaries to what is acceptable especially for a child. The books shows how to overcome that barrier. How to be honest and forthright about drawing the line, rather than “people pleasing”. That uncle that hugs you a bit too closely, that harrassing work colleague who says “can’t you take a joke” when you object. From overcoming the resistance to dealing with it (I must be “nice”), the first line of defense is verbal.A major underpinning of the philosophy of the Safety Godmother’s is to avoid a fight if at all possible, while knowing that you could take it on, anyone on, if you had to. Imagine if you could deal with the drunk who’d follow you out from the frat party and then got way too friendly and then nasty. Tracy handled that situation.Changing the outcome from a rape to an arrest is the power given to people who do the defense training “IMPACT” espoused by the Godmothers. This training takes participants to “zero”, unpicking preconceived notions of defense (like using your fists) and steadily building a strategy for recognizing when things are off-kilter, recognizing potential danger, calmly determining your strategy and then using all kinds of tools to achieve a good outcome: being clear about what you want, yelling, taking a powerful stance, using attack and defense techniques that will deal with that coward who is threatening you.Because, when it comes down to it, aggressors are cowards – they prey on the weak. Safety Godmothers shows us how to be strong in the face of an aggressor. These compelling pages have the power to save your life.

Don't let the Godmother moniker fool you; This innocent-looking book can be a real lifesaver.The fact that world-renowned expert Gavin de Becker participated in this book is like getting Oprah to introduce your talk show. Lisa Gaeta has been training women and teens for longer than anyone in the country (note: longer than ANYONE) with IMPACT PERSONAL SAFETY, her practical style of personal safety class.Numerous copycats have popped up since its inception - unfortunately spreading well-intentioned, but often useless information, spreading more fear and anxiety. One of the reasons it is anxiety-producing to discuss these things with teens is because, we, ourselves were never properly informed.And if that wasn't enough, the Godmothers demonstrate, even if we KNEW what to do, in any given situation, we often FREEZE in the moment of fear or intimidation (as Ms Snortland herself did during a fateful transaction which turned her into a crusader for teaching women and teens other options).These simple and powerful boundary-setting techniques work on bullies, with friends, with creepy adults, and in general, can DAILY because they are "being polite" or were never taught to set an effective boundary.Now, after years teaching others these techniques, this life-saving intelligence is finally available in book form.Do yourself a favor and read this book first yourself; you'll find much of it common sense finally worded in such a way that you will want to convert these concepts into action.... and make no mistake about it: Let us pray for the fool who attacks these two nice ladies in an alley. They will NOT know what hit them.

"The Safety Godmothers" may be one of the most important books teens will ever read. It may also be the most important book their mothers will read. And their brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles. While this book is directed at teens, after reading it, I felt it could have been written for me—and I’m much older. Why?Written by two professionals in self-defense, Ellen Snortland and Lisa Gaeta, this book provides answers to a variety of situations ranging from physical attacks to psychological putdowns. Imbued with wisdom and common sense, "The Safety Godmothers" combines old-fashioned advice with self-defense tactics that literally anyone, any age can use. These include: the importance of “No!” Heed our senses—they’re our early warning system. Our inborn defense system. How to verbally set boundaries. How our fear of displeasing others diminishes us. Letting others be more important/take precedence over us. Building up self-confidence. And the most important message of all: everyone needs to know how to be their first responder.This is a book for mothers and teenagers, both male and female, to read. It’s also a book for college students, career women, working women, old ladies, and young men. It is profound, irreverent, humorous, hard-sell, serious, intense, and light-hearted. The vignettes illustrate potential danger situations and are highly relevant in the context of self-defense.This book teaches, counsels, assists, whispers in your ear and shouts from the rooftops, “Learn to defend yourself!!!” It is a treasure trove of information. Importantly, the reader will enjoy reading it.

This is the book I wish I had read as a teen! It is packed with useful information and brimming with knowledge and experience in the field of self defense, breaking it down in a fun and informative approachable way. Give your teens the tools to navigate predators, and become confident and safe. It is truly outstanding. I speak as a teen survivor of rape and sexual assault, its taken me many years to work through it, and as Gavin de Becker says in the foreword, it is not necessarily the outcome of the situation that affects the victim, but the ability to deal with it. With no tools in the toolbox, we all do the best we can. Armed with the knowledge and expertise in this book by Lisa and Ellen, and also a self defense class near you... I believe that women and girls will be all the safer from the insight offered.