Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Paperback – February 1, 2011

So... This book. This book is like a red pilled relationship book BEFORE the red pill ever existed. And it's such an essential text in today's dating market that it should be a MUST READ rite of passage book for every young woman when she turns 18.I read this book at the very beginning of a brand new, if I can now admit it... Courtship.Yes ladies, not just DATING, but a true old fashioned courtship with an amazing man who is PLANNING A LIFE FOR US, and making me his wife next year. And of course, I am so excited to one day have him as my husband.But, the old me would never have given him a chance. He was shorter than what I've dated, he was too nice and normal, he called when he said he would, he showed me he was genuinely interested. He sent me texts messages that annoyed the crap out of me. He called. He showed up.All the qualities I was DYING for the flashy idiot charismatic yet not-looking-for-marriage to have. If he were doing all of those things, I'd be SMITTEN.It was then that I realized all of my years (at 41), that I WAS the problem in my singleness. It wasn't that there were no single men wanting to settle down.It was that I WAS choosing the wrong men, and letting the amazing ones go because I was fixed on a fantasy man that nobody could live up to.This book slammed that RIGHT into my face, and... Saved my budding relationship with my guy.Gottlieb's cautionary tale unfolds in waters we all know. Out in the dating jungle, dating the same type of guys over and over with a different name and face.Finding yourself heartbroken, wanting to quit, yet getting back out there each time.Her journey with us through her dating landscape is engaging, funny, UNBELIEVABLE, and also - brutally honest.And that's going to be the hardest part for many of you. Look at the ratings here...MOST WOMEN CANNOT TAKE THE INFORMATION IN THIS BOOK!They walk away upset and angry because they are either so duped by the lies told by our feminist culture about dating and marriage that they refuse to see the truth. Or they realize, it's too late. Their sexual market value is low, they need to compete with younger women now, men their age see them as second or third choice, and the idea of "settling" is a hard pill to swallow.But this ISN'T a book about settling. It's a book about being REALISTIC.It's a book about how not to make stupid choice about men! About how to choose better based on your NEEDS vs your superficial list (that nobody can actually FULLY fulfill).Look, I'm lucky. At 41, I'm a former model, a fitness professional (so my body is TIGHT as a 20 year old), and I have no kids. So my dating pool still has/had some great options and choice of men. But even still, I was finding fault with EVERYONE. When I opened my eyes and heart, I found my guy.He's 4 years older, handsome, fit, loving, kind, protective, a provider, HIGHLY successful and from a good family. He wants marriage and children. He could have chosen A YOUNGER WOMAN, but it's me he wants. And not only that, he sees ME as his forever - as I do him. I almost walked away from that had it not been for this book (and my therapist 🙃 😅).There is something in YOU that has to change. There is something that YOU need to shift in your path to finding the right man for you. This book will help you to uncover it.I almost gave it 4 stars because this book, written 12 years ago as of today, was the author's tale and I noticed as I was reading it that she still wasn't married. And so I feared, she still hasn't learned the lesson.However the last chapter wrapped ALL of that up, and I just stood with a STANDING OVATION for how she tied it all together. And it made sense.Ladies...Do yourself a favor.SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE - AND READ THIS BOOK.Wake up out of The Matrix, and fix your approach to dating.Take the blue pill if you want and go back to sleep, wondering why you're still single, can't find a good man, and wondering if you'll just die alone.The chances are far less if you actually read and apply the principles Gottlieb lays out bare before you!Good luck!

Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough offers a refreshing and realistic perspective on relationships. The book challenges the notion of waiting for perfection and encourages readers to focus on the qualities that truly matter for long-term happiness. The author’s insights are both practical and empowering, making this a must-read for anyone looking to rethink their approach to love and commitment. It’s full of thought-provoking advice that really resonates!Here are a few notable quotes from Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb:"When I look at my friend's marriages, with their routine day-to-dayness, they actually seem quite happy—perhaps because they’re not expecting passion every second." This quote emphasizes the importance of realistic expectations in relationships."Sometimes 'good enough' is actually perfect." This highlights the core message of the book, encouraging readers to rethink the idea of waiting for an ideal partner."We all have deal breakers, but sometimes we don’t realize we’ve also broken the deal on our happiness by being too picky." Gottlieb stresses the danger of setting unrealistic standards that can keep people from finding contentment in relationships.

Amazon finally delivered my copy of "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough". I was immensely excited to read what I thought would be another rather fun, enjoyable fact-filled self-help book. I certainly wasn't disappointed in the research and humorous delivery of a this timeless subject.Several other reviews are wonderfully positive in examining the different aspects of Ms. Gottleib's book and I agree with many of them. Having any kind of help. . . .be it self-help books, support groups or good friends. . . .to help one get through this thing called life, I'm all for it. Yet, I was rather disappointed in the "sisterhood" and at what women do in the name of finding love.Environment plays a big factor. Where, how and with whom you grow up will definitely color who people may choose in their lives as potential life partners. Some will choose men "like their fathers" or women "like their mothers". Those in divorced or abusive families may not yet have the skills to break the cycle and most likely will repeat the same behaviors or subconsciously set up the same environment in which they are familiar.Today's "me" mentality of women. What THEY want or need FROM the guy, instead of looking to see what THEY bring to the partnership. Here I thought we as the species are to be nurturing, giving and compassionate ones. In reading this book, I see a lot of selfish, short-sighted women running through and discarding men like the latest fashion trends.The need for "excitement" instead of "being content". Women EXPECT men to provide all these different experiences. What if a guy expects that from THEM? I believe this the "Prince Charming Price Tag" that is mentioned. How much energy would THEY have to expend to keep this exciting lifestyle sustained? If women want excitement in a relationship, don't expect it from the other person. Initiate it yourself. Communication is most important. If you don't have communication, you should probably move on.To quote a very smart man who is a bit worn from the battle (no, seriously, he was in the military AND divorce court!) has said, "Not every day can be a trip to Disney World, some days it's a trip to the DMV. Other days it's season reruns. Life is what you make of it."The rest of the book made me rather sad about how women view their lives. I shouldn't be surprised as I, too, have watched friends and family go through this wrenching emotional merry go round and even, when or if finally married, I truly question their happiness.Many women hurry to seek out relationships and/or marriage as if it is some sort of goal that will relieve them of whatever anxiety and angst they put on themselves. Or are being driven by that desperate NEED to be with someone. . .ANYONE. . .because they are "terrified of being alone". Fear pushes people to make rash decisions and ignore real warning signs of major problems down the road.All the years women spend searching, analyzing, dumping, re-establishing new relationships, etc, is exhausting. And for what? The book mentions many of these women who do stay in relationships are "ambiguous" about their partners. That kind of non-committed attitude is on THEM, not the guys they claim have all the failings.When many of these men give it their all, it's not good enough. Why? What is the attraction to pair up when statistics don't invite everyone to rush to the altar? Not many of the women mentioned stuck around long enough TO get hitched let alone to come up with REAL reasons to let the guy go. No one wants to take the time to get to know someone for their great qualities. This book is being polite in saying people are "nervous" and what they write in their online profile can be totally different than how a person actually present themselves. That is to be expected as many people are NOT born writers. Like the guy who wrote he was a "Dead Head" and one woman presumed the worst from that description. Turns out he didn't specify liking the music of the Grateful Dead. Or the woman who dismissed the guy who wore a bow tie in his picture as "too geeky" only to give in went on a date and found out he wore them as a tribute to his grandfather who left him his collection of bow ties when he passed away. Now THAT brought on a whole new quality in the man in the woman's eyes once she gave him a chance.All in all, I truly enjoyed this eye-opening book which can help people kick themselves out of their own self-defeating habits and open up their eyes and hearts to new people and new experiences. Lori Gottlieb has a terrific style in delivering the facts and figures of today's world. Hopefully those who read this book will walk away with, if nothing else, a smile a few more facts they didn't know beforehand.

As other reviewers have pointed out, this book does make a good point: don't be picky to the point of ignoring the other good things, like rejecting someone amazing just because he's 5'9 instead of 6'2.However, it paints singlehood in an incredibly negative light. As if it's inherently just the worst thing you could possibly be. She even compares it to being terminally ill at one point. As if the amount of shame women, let alone single women, face in daily life isn't bad enough. While she keeps *saying* she's not asking you to settle, she really is: she keeps talking about women who said yes to men they weren't even attracted to, or weren't sure about, just because marriage is the only thing in life you should ever want. Not happiness - marriage. Her idea of marriage seems closer to friends with benefits. To that I ask: what's the difference between a friend with benefits and a life partner? Just the commitment? Not your actual feelings?There's also absolutely no caution about red flags, or acknowledgement that, yes, in many cases, you *should* run for the hills.While I appreciated the primary point (don't be "too" picky) and the examples given, I think overall this book doesn't help anyone except a minority of people who would actually break up with someone they love because they're blond or don't wear stylish shoes.

More people should read this book. Thanks to this book made me become more open minded and have more options. More empathic and mindful and value people more from things that actually matter.

I found the name for this book on a Blog and was intrigued enough to look up its reviews. What I found made me place an order with amazon right away.I just love this book ! In so many ways, it makes single girls in their 30's and higher, looking to marry, face up to a few ground realities. This book is nothing if not direct !! And its not easy reading/facing up to it. I ended up reading it piecemeal to absorb/think more. The breath of advice and reasoning seems too logically right to refuse. And though I'm facing the same issues as the author in my dating life (knowing but not being able to overlook stuff that can be labeled "picky"), I am mulling things over!!. I definitely appreciate the message the book carries. It jolted me out of my reverie of "How did/do my girlfriends find guys to say "yes" to so quickly". I now know that I'm a maximizer - wanting nothing less than the best-when the best is not really a reality (for me). Anyhow, if the first step to setting something on course is awareness, there is no better book than this for single women. I would recommend it with all my heart ! The rest, as they say, is up to us and destiny !!

This book is not only a very entertaining and often funny read, it is also a true eye-opener. The author ruthlessly analyzes how she wasted her opportunities to find a good partner by setting her expectations way too high - at over 40, having had a child by means of anonymous sperm donator, she wants to get back into dating but finds her " dating value" to have considerably decreased. Her message is basically for the modern, well-educated woman to drop her often unrealistic preconceptions while she still is attractive to the opposite sex - clearly, a message that many would not like to hear and some feminists would clearly reject, but then again, the truth is not always pleasant. For me, having been through many of the same experiences as the author recalls from her 20s and 30s, the book was a true wake-up call. I read this in my early 30s and it really helped me to reflect on what is really realistic to expect from a relationship, and how I had ruined the basis for many past relationships by sporting a very egotistical and self-centered attitude. I consider myself very emancipated and pro- feminist, but it simply rings true to me that the best years to find a partner are between 20 and 40, particularly for those who want to found a family. I have been single for most of my adult life, the longest relationship I had before reading this book lasted a year. And I can tell from my own experience that I was not doing myself any favour with my egocentrical and uncompromising towards relationships, on the contrary, I could tell I was getting more and more stuck in my own ways the longer I lived as a single, without obligation to anyone else but myself. So this book spoke to me very deeply and at the right moment of my life, as I had already begun to see a need for change. Now I am 37 years old and expecting my first child from a very kind and intelligent man that I have been in a very harmonious relationship with for three and a half years now. Would it have happened the same way without this book? Who knows, maybe so. Maybe I would have had the right intuition to change my expectations without reading this. What I can say though is that I probably would not have been as wise if I had met this mn in my 20s - I would probably have found him too quiet or too young or too whatever back then. Now I just think he's the perfect match for me, and I appreciate all the common grounds we share rather than looking for defects as younger women often do, and I did back in my 20s. It's a good lesson to realize one isn't perfect either and should cut oneself and others some slack. I know I am a lot more balanced for it, and I have since given this book to some of my equally notorious single friends who also seem to have benefitted from it.

Thanks for such an enlightening book. Lori's sessions with relationship coach Evan endeavouring to find her Stepford Husband are quite hilarious. Her puerile, superficial, self absorbed reasons for objection are the words of a precocious juvenile, lacking any compassionate values or sensitivity...but is so entertaining. Lori repeatedly calls herself intelligent, but obviously Emotional Intelligence doesn't count on her scale. Only glad she had a boy as possibly one day she may see how rejection feels on the other side of the love equation, and perhaps encounter the brand new experience of Empathy!