Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse

I thought this book was extremely instructive and well constructed. Dr. Jantz takes a paced approach into Emotional Abuse, how to recognize its patterns, how to understand better what the victim is going through, how to face and confront the isue itself (and in some cases the perpetrator of the EA) and gives steps about healing.The book is full with examples from his center that illustrate quite well many of the situations. It is not judgemental but understanding.The first of the 2 reasons I didn't give this book 5 stars is that Dr. Jantz focuses pillars healing in re-establishing one's relationship with God, encouraging in many cases interaction with the religious communities and activities. Knowing his background, this is not a surprise, but still it is something I am not happy with. I understand EA leads, amongst other thing, to a loss of faith, but not only in God. I also can't help finding it slightly hypocritical to be speaking of EA in many cases where the "abuser" is not fully aware of the harm he/she is doing or thinks he/she is doing "what is best" for the "victim" and then encourage the victim to strengthen bonds with a figure of authority that is supposedly wise and good, with unconditional love and forgiveness... but whose ways are insecrutable and allows so much pain on his children. Official majoritarian religions may be a comfort for many people, but so are sects, and asuming all that don't fit yours are just trying to abuse their believers seems unfair and even dangerous as it still looks for a figurehead outside the person (after all, it is God that loves and forgives you and is there with you).The second reason I did not give this book 5 stars is that it felt it somehow didn't go the whole way (probably because doing so would clash a bit with the pro-religious (Christian?) perspective). Forums of EA in which recovered victims give advice take things several steps further. I can understand as a believer and therapist he may not agree in such advice (as there is a danger to it too if not rationalized), but taking into account that perspective is something I did miss here.

So many of us have grown up in a society where, if abuse is even recognized, it is not considered really damaging unless it is physical or. God forbid, sexual. Not enough emphasis has been placed on how deeply wounding emotional abuse can be on an individual. Sure, the media has sometimes identified cases where severe bullying has wreaked havoc on adolescent development. I cannot think of a book, however, that is more comprehensive on the subject of emotional abuse than  Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse . I first saw the book for sale at an Army post exchange. Thumbing through it I later decided to purchase it through Amazon.com. I am really glad I did. It was most informative. There are four parts in the book: Part 1 concentrates on understanding emotional abuse from defining it to explaining why it is so common and informing the reader just how damaging it can be. Part 2 describes types of emotional abuse identifying emotional abuse through words, actions, neglect and even a chapter entitled "Spiritual Abuse: The Bible as Bludgeon." Finding myself living in the Bible Belt of the United States I was naturally drawn to that chapter. I agreed with the author that religion should CONTRIBUTE to an individual's self esteem. The author admitted however that "unfortunately religious faith HAS been used as an abusive weapon in a relationship." This is perhaps the FIRST book I have ever read that dared to admit this. Indeed in my many years employed as a domestic violence social worker I had seen men feeling justified in emotionally, physically and/or sexually abusing their wives because they did not "submit" to them in the way they felt the Bible was directing them to do. This was so sad. God should be seen as a source of true love and enduring comfort not as a creul and punishing diety. Part 3 describes the many effects of emotional abuse including the effects on sense of self, physical effects and effects on relationships. Of course my favorite part was Part 4 describing how to overcome emotional abuse by first recognizing your abuse and its effects, getting over the past and living for the future and restoring your self. It was a great help to me in continuing my personal journey to overcome the effects of emotional abuse I endured as a child. This is a most important book and I would highly recommend it to anyone who has suffered abuse either in their family of origin, their husband or wife, partner or significant others.

I have been going too therapy for years, along with doing alot of self help...and I have read so many books, have taken classes...I am extremely educated...and most of my abuse started with my childhood, and as you read this book you will find that alot of children that were subjected to abuse, end up where they have relationship problems...this book has been so helpful for me...finally at 51yrs old, I am going to heal from everything thanks to this book...it is simply AMAZING, there is alot of Q&A, for you to understand yourself how you feel & also to understand the abuser and the abuse it leads you to every possible direction, how you are affected all over in your thoughts, spirit, self esteem, physical health etc, and most important how to heal and move forward from the fear, guilt, anger & pain...so that you can have a life of peace & happiness...Dr. Jantz...knows exactly the whole circumstance with abuse and I had wish that I could of had a Dr...half as intelligent as him...God bless him, and all the people in the world that are looking for help and want to heal & make their lives better, as well as the people associated with them & their family...DON'T GIVE A SECOND THOUGHT TO PURCHASING THIS BOOK...it is the key to coming out of that dark hurtful tunnel & you will find HAPPINESS, it is well written simple to follow, and you will enjoy every bit of this book...please help yourself and buy this book...and many thanks too Dr. Jantz & his assistant in writing this book.

This book began promising but it became quickly apparent that despite the title it is more about identifying and categorizing types of emotional abuse (and this wasn't helpful to me as despite detailing several stereotypes it didn't identify my situation - I'm guessing there are almost as many types of abuse as there are abusers).The last part of the book is what I really bought it for - how to heal and sadly the suggestions were not very useful to me. I'll be looking for another book as I still feel I need guidance. It was biblical in places which is good but sadly it didn't achieve what the title suggested it would.

This book is more about the Scars than the Healing of Emotional Abuse. Typically a chapter consists of about 20 pages of very painful reading about difficulties, with little support, followed by one page about general principles of healing. And many of the healing suggestions refer to a concept of a Christian God that some readers may not share. The best that can be said is that each chapter ends with a positive attitude, a reminder that there are other possible ways of looking at oneself than the ones learned as a child. Try instead the similarly titled book by Beverly Engel, which has lots of exercises and support, and a focus on developing better inner parents.

For me it is hard going but the book is honest and is readable. Because of my past it can be too painful to read as you are right back there when and where it happend. I will continue with the book and hope one day to be able to move forward.

well worth a read

I was looking for a book dealing with marital emotional abuse. This covers a few types of abuse but not what I was looking for. I did get some good information from the other types of abuse. Not many husbands admit to being abused by their wives. If anybody knows of a book dealing with marital abuse , specifically emotional abuse abuse I would appreciate you letting me know. Thanks.