Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

I think if you had to pick one area of life where the vast majority of people fail to measure to some minimum acceptable standard it would be listening. We are all more interested in what we have to say than in listening to what others have to say.George Bernard Shaw once said, "The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place." We think we are communicating, we think we are getting through and unfortunately it is not happening.If you are looking for one area that will greatly improve your life, then learn and implement the lessons contained in Just Listen.The book is well written and highly entertaining and therefore very easy to read. But the lessons are profound.The book is divided into four sections: The Secret to Reaching Anyone; The Nine Core Rules for Getting Through to Anyone; 12 Quick and Easy Ways to Achieve Buy-in and Get Through and Putting it all together: Fast Fixes for Seven Challenging Situations. Dr. Goulston starts by giving the secrets to reaching anyone. The secrets are in understanding how the brain works. He gives a good explanation in terms anyone can understand.Then he moves to the nine core rules for getting through to anyone. I love the title of Chapter 3 - Move Yourself from "Oh F#@& to Ok". At the end of each chapter he gives a usable insight and an action step. The usable insight at the end of Chapter 3 is a remarkable lesson for everyone. "When you go from "Oh F#@& to Ok" you go from being fixated on the way you are convinced the world should or shouldn't be, but never will be, to being ready to deal with the world the way it is."Of course the most important person to getting through to is ourselves. We can easily see what others need to do. We have a lot of trouble seeing what we need to do.There are gems of wisdom scattered throughout the book. "As soon as you and a prospective customer or client first meet, the playing field is level. As soon as you try to sell or convince the other person, the power shifts to the client." This applies to all areas of life. When we try to convince others of what we want, we give power to them.There are plenty of detailed exercises throughout the book. One of the best is the six-step pause - it "wakes you up" and gets you out of the emotional brain into the rational brain.The steps are: Practice physical awareness, emotional awareness, impulse awareness, consequence awareness, solution awareness and benefit awareness. The actual steps contain more information, but this is an extremely powerful exercise and we all would be better off if we would use this more often in our daily lives.This is a highly readable and extremely useful book. There are way too many valuable lessons to capture in a short review. This is not a book to read and put on the shelf. To get the full value from this book, you need to internalize and then implement the lessons. I suspect the best way to use this book is to read it, then pick one exercise and implement it. Once you have successfully implemented that exercise, move on to the next. Do this and you will change your life.

I have been reading success and professional self improvement books for nearly twenty years, but never one as powerful and useful as this. The power of truly listening to others has been addressed briefly in many other books (Covey's Seven Habits and Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People come to mind), but this book is the Big Daddy of them all - the most extensive exploration of the topic ever written. And in my experience, listening is the single most important key to professional success - this book gives it the extended focus and attention it truly deserves.This book is more than just about listening - it is about the art of asking powerful questions that really reach people and get them to open up and share their thoughts and information that they would normally reserve for their closest advisors and confidants. This is a key for both professionals who serve as trusted advisors as well as corporate folks, sales people, and anyone in a business where relationships and communication are key. Dr. Goulston is a genius at composing powerful questions that give others the chance to feel truly understood and felt, and he shares lots of examples that serve as templates for us to use and help us learn to do this better ourselves.Some key concepts:* Empathy - putting yourself in another's shoes and thinking from their perspective in order to reach them, whether clients or our spouses and kids. Mirror neuron empathy - the biological response that Dr. Goulston explains makes empathy such a powerful communication tool. He also explains how to create an "empathy jolt" by asking a question that gets someone to see things from another's perspective.* Ask transformational questions rather than just ordinary transactional ones, inspiring others to go deeper and to help us really connect with them.* In a conversation, ask the other person to "tell me more" instead of cutting in with our opinions - this conveys our genuine interest in what they have to say and helps them to feel that we truly "get" them, opening them up to hearing what we have to say.* Instead of trying hard to be interesting and to impress, rather be interested in others and what they have to say - ask questions and let them do more of the talking. Somewhat counter intuitively, in business conversations, those who listen more gain more valuable information and insights from others and ultimately win, versus the stereotype that those who dominate a discussion are the winners. As an exercise, try getting others to talk more by asking them questions that get them to open up and to help guide them to conclusions instead of telling them those conclusions.* Identify and eliminate cognitive dissonance from potentially disruptive issues by stipulating in advance to those issues, effectively taking them off the table if and when they do arise.For folks like me who have trouble finding the time away from work to sit down and read a book, the audio book version is great as it is easy to listen while driving or doing other things. I recommend listening to each disk twice before moving on, then once more through the whole set from start to finish. I just did that, and with each listening I gained new and valuable perspectives and insights.The business and personal uses of this book are endless. A number of my professional friends are reading this now, and we compare notes regularly on our attempts (and occasional triumphs) at putting these ideas into action with our clients, business network contacts and prospective clients, as well as with our employees, partners and co-workers and even friends and family members. There is so much here to use that it is worth re-reading or listening to this book again every so often to brush up on the ideas and remind ourselves to use them.

I read the book twice and found the tricks offered very well explained with excellent examples of people from all walks of life.There are so many tricks offered, that for similar situations you end up having multiple to chose from. Mark at times points out to use another one if the first did not work. I therefore can see how in the end after reading the book, one may feel overwhelmed or even confused, which of the tricks to use when. It will require probably a lot of practice to use the appropriate trick at the right time.Somebody who's day to day job is to assess people and their state of minds, is exposed to the curse of knowledge and may therefore forget that it took that person years to become an expert psychiatrist and to gather all the practical experience we find in his book. So I will probably start using one or two of the offered tricks at the time and try to get good at them before moving on with the next few.In order to do that I first have to review areas that I feel I need to address within myself most and work the priority list using the tricks accordingly.Trying to use everything at once you will probably get you in some awkward situations. Just count the number of wonderful questions that are offered for different scenarios...So a few a the time. The good news is that you will have enough material to use for a long time.Mark, thank you for sharing so much of your experience with us.

I got this book to deepen my understanding of what "true" listening is about and for techniques to expand my skills. I got a lot more than expected: dealing with highly charged situations, with narcissistic personalities, building trust, networking, team building - and a good dose of self-management.Mark Goulston is generous and wise and an excellent teacher. Approaches and techniques he shares are not just band-aid tricks - they require a good understanding of human nature, a authentic desire for better relationships and the discipline of practice.Highly recommended for coaches.

As the name suggests so is the job it does. It brain washes your previous concept and how you are ignoring the most important art needed for survival and excel . Must read for everyone. Your relationship and communication will be next level.

Dieses Buch ersetzt mindestens 100 Bücher über-Kommunikationstechniken-Vertriebsmethoden-Persönlichkeitsentwicklung-Beziehungsverbesserung-Karriereentwicklung-KrisenmanagementEs ist richtig, richtig, richtig gut. Leicht zu lesen und sehr gut als Arbeitsmittel zu verwenden. Wer nur ein Buch zu den oben genannten Themen kaufen will, sollte dieses nehmen. Man kann und sollte es wieder und wieder lesen.

"Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone," is a very insightful and practical guide to improving our communication skills and building better connections with others.Dr Mark's approach is straightforward and devoid of complex jargon, making it accessible to a wide range of readers whilst emphasizing the importance of active listening and empathy, through setting aside our own agendas and truly engaging with others.Dr Mark's ability to convey his ideas through real-life examples and compelling stories is seriously top notch and these anecdotes not only illustrate the power of effective listening but also serve as reminders of the impact our words and actions can have on those around us! The book will keep you engrossed and eager to apply the lessons immediately (a sign of an excellent book indeed!).Mark presents a variety of techniques throughout the book, each designed to address different communication challenges. PAL is super helpful...and I'm excited for the L evolving into Learning now too ;)

Excelente libro para aprender o reforzar técnicas de negociación y empatía. Lo recomiendo muchísimo.