Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape Paperback – December 2, 2008

The essays in this great book are compiled and analyzed by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti and the book's structure reflects the authors' blogging experience, which makes for an incredibly helpful and original format. This book is beautifully constructed, extremely well-argued, and offers a lot of material to think about.The authors of these essays look at the different ways in which the traditionalist approach supports and enables rape and sexual assault. The conservative gender roles that present a woman as a secondary being actually promote the culture of rape: "While right-wing groups certainly don't come out in support of rape, they do promote an extremist ideology that enables rape and promotes a culture where sexual assault is tacitly accepted. The supposedly 'pro-family' marital structure, in which sex is exchanged for support and the woman's identity is absorbed into her husband's, reinforces the idea of women as property and as simple accoutrements to a man's more fully realized existence." So when we rush to declare ourself as male property by giving up our names, careers, interests and preferences for the huge honor of belonging to a man, let us remember where this ideology comes from and where it often leads us. The very structure of our patriarchal vision of sexuality is informed by gender stereotypes. Men are expected to want sex more than women and employ a variety of "courting" tactics in order to get sex from presumably unwilling women. Every woman knows how annoying the rhetoric of female affections that have to be 'conquered' through male effort is. From early childhood, men are taught that female 'no' doesn't really mean a final and unquestionable rejection. They are told that 'no' means maybe and that effort and perseverance can eventually turn a 'no' into a 'yes.' And this myth is precisely what leads to so many stalkings, sexuall assaults, and rapes.I have had the misfortune of experiencing the attitude inspired by the women-need-to-be-conquered myth more times that I care to remember. It's annoying and humiliating to be the object of male attempts at winning your affections once you have indicated that you are not interested. This state of things will not change unless we revise our understanding of gender roles. Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape also points out how this vision of gender roles victimizes men: "When society equates maleness with a constant desire for sex, men are socialized out of genuine sexual decision making, and are less likely to be able to know how to say no or be comfortable refusing sex when they don't want it."The authors of the book analyze brilliantly how rape is used as a tool of social control. Women have to feel constantly fearful of placing themselves in the public realm and abandoning the mythical safety of their home, even though that home turns into the scene of violence, assault, and rape a lot more often than the streets.

A great educational and interesting read from many great authors. A must read for college students and anyone with an interest in feminism from many different perspectives. Very entertaining life stories as well. Highly recommended.

"Yes Means Yes" is quite a radical take on the idea of sexual consent - getting past the valuable, but very limited, concept of "No Means No" to a broader idea that sex should always involve the enthusiastic consent of all the parties involved.It's shocking that this is a radical idea - but, in a world where sexuality is far too often conceived of as "men as relentless pursuers and women as desireless gatekeepers" it is quite remarkable to see a vision of women as equal partners and independent actors in the context of their own sexuality.The book itself is composed of 28 essays by 30 contributors - two by coeditors Jessica Valenti and Jacklyn Friedman, with the other 26 by a variety of authors from all walks of life (the most prominent among the contributors being comedian Margaret Cho, who wrote the book's foreword).Each author wrote in his/her own voice, with extremely light, almost invisible, editing by Valenti and Freedman, which gave an interesting collaborative flavor to the book (while also making it somewhat hit or miss).By far, the strongest contributions were "What it feels like when it finally comes: surviving incest in real life" by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, "When sexual autonomy isn't enough: sexual violence against immigrant women in the United States" by Miriam Zoila Perez, "Trial by media: Black female lasciviousness and the question of consent" by Samhita Mukhopadhyay, "Why nice guys finish last" by Julia Serrano and "Who're you calling a whore?: a conversation with three sex workers on sexuality, empowerment and The Industry" by Susan Lopez, Mariko Passion and Saundra.The rest of the essays - while not rising to the level of those five contributions, were good pieces that got their points across.The book had only one weak and poorly written essay "Towards a performance model of sex" by Thomas Macaulay Millar, by far the weakest and most poorly written and thought out essay in an otherwise excellent book.On the whole, this is an outstanding work and I would recommend this book to anybody - especially to women - and it gives a new and unique perspective on sexuality.

I am white, 240lb Neanderthal looking 23 yr veteran of military Special Operations, a former Pro cage fighter and exist to say the least in a testosterone laden male work environment rampant with the negative views and stereotypes on womens' sexuality one might expect. I am not sure if I am alone in my views or others just play along out of fear of being ostracized for expressing their support of womens' empowerment. This book hits the nail right on the head and articulates the societal double standards and male fear of powerful women and their comfort and equal participation in sex and their sexual choices. I have two daughters and a son and I want them all to grow up to understand that women are equal in every way and deserve to be proud, in control and free of judgement for having an opinion and say in the collaboration of sexual relations (amongst other things) with their partners. this books expresses and explains clearly the process towards this in our society. I recommend this highly.

Should be required reading for any feminist. It has amazing, diverse perspectives and stories. I loved it. I couldn't put it down!

True revelation ! I did not read all the articles in it since I study it for a precise analysis of modern romance and how it brings women to politically and socially regress within heterosexual relationship. I encourage people to read and critic the New Adult fiction and to see how it diminishes woman's power. Yes Means Yes truly highlights the main issue I encountered while studying Fifty Shades of Grey.

Perfectly satisfactory service and copy, thank you. Pending, as far as the reading list is concerned. But Iam not proposing to be disappointed.

Very great book that definitely gets you to ponder the world of feminism

This is a collection of feminist articles. I bought it because the new articles on the website are amazing and I wanted them in paper form, but sadly the most recent ones are missing from this.It's a really good concept: that no one should assume consent without an 'enthusiastic yes'. I'm glad I bought the book, but reading the website would be just as good, and that way you'd get to read the articles about how most rapes are committed by a tiny proportion of men who serially predate on women who have drunk too much. (Gives an interesting insight on current rape cases in the press.) And the one about how it's a convention that in our society people rarely say a firm 'no' to anything, instead coming out with a polite refusal like 'I'm so sorry but I can't' to an invitation. And rapists know this perfectly well. So the whole defence of 'she never actually said no' is irrelevant.