The Man They Wanted Me to Be: Toxic Masculinity and a Crisis of Our Own Making Kindle Edition

Sexton's latest book is both a unique work and an incredibly important one. Combining memoir with political science, it takes a deeply personal and unflinching look at the ways men suffer in our society--white men in particular--and how they turn that suffering outward to inflict pain and misery on the world around them.If you're right cringing now because you don't think we ought to be coddling the tender little fee-fees of straight white men while so many other people are fighting for basic human rights--and fighting AGAINST straight white men, the demographic which is so determinedly invested in denying basic rights to all others--hold up. Give the premise of this important book a chance. This is not a whinefest of "aggrieved entitlement," as Sexton puts it--not a Red Pill tantrum about how nobody has it harder than white men, not some crackbrained Jordan Peterson rant. There is no Alex Jones chest-thumping or screaming about red-blooded American males here; just plenty of first-hand experience with indoctrination into brutal, painful, soul-stifling traditional modes of masculinity, and an honest, often emotionally raw assessment of the damage our cultural systems do to boys and the men they grow up to be.Sexton traces the path of our current traditions of masculinity from the Greatest Generation and the end of WWII through Vietnam, several economic recessions, both wars in Iraq, showing how they all have led in a straight line to our present political climate in the United States--and our social climate, rife with gun massacres, rising misogyny and homophobia/transphobia, unchecked racism, and... Jesus... need I go on? Everything.The trajectory of patriarchal masculinity is illustrated by touching episodes from the author's own life, from his earliest memories of his mother and her several abusive husbands, his biological father's disdain for him as a "soft" boy, his striving to become the type of man everybody expected him to be (the ONLY acceptable version of a man if you were born in the mid-80s or earlier), his struggles with alcoholism, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation throughout his young adulthood. All the while, Sexton deftly weaves in data from sociological and anthropological studies and anecdotes from American politics that support his memoir like a grim yet necessary framework.This book provides the most direct and honest look into the wounded soul of the American male--a wound of his own making, to be sure, but a wound which must be healed, for it afflicts every person in our culture regardless of gender. Fortunately, it doesn't take too much reading between the lines to suss out a likely cure. Sexton's skilled narrative can provide a roadmap for casting off damaging, always-false, always-restrictive gender expectations and moving forward as a whole society with all its members healthy, self-actualized, and full of love.If you are a man or if you know and love any men or boys, this is an absolute must-read. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Jason Yates Sexton has written a terrific book on the dangerous concepts that define toxic masculinity. A must-read in this time of escalating violence against women and society.

Engagingly written, Sexton moves easily between personal anecdotes and scientific research to underpin his arguments. The book is a deeply personal narrative punctuated by careful and well documented research. The result is a thought-provoking look at what it means to be an American male at this tumultuous time in our history.

This book made me see ALL of the men in my life … past and present … in a clearer, truer light. Highly recommended for anyone who wants a better understanding of MAGA culture and its proponents.

As a man who is in a similar socioeconomic situation as the author I found the book very relatable and incredibly eye opening. The book is very well resourced and he left no stone unturned in referencing pop culture and our political landscape

Whoa! An honest, personal self-examination of the unrealistic pressure traditional masculinity, as promoted in the US, has on politics, media, men themselves, and the women and children in their lives. At times heartbreaking and at times enlightening. The main take-away is that no man can live up to the impossible expectations of manliness required of men and boys. Don't get me wrong, this is not about self-pity or seeing men as the victim. Instead it gets to the heart of the problem and puts blame where it belongs. This is a brave endeavor. I can't possibly express any of this as well as the author does. Everyone should read this book (men and women). Everything I see is now filtered through the lens of this book. Thank you for writing this Jared Yates Sexton!

Sometimes the best explanation for societal patterns is to focus on the micro stories of people who endure those patterns. This book exemplifies that genre. JYS chronicles his troubled childhood and adolescence to explain how a twisted understanding of masculinity has damaged generations of people in this country. A must-read.

Una bella analisi di una tematica emersa soprattutto nell'ultimo decennio della storia contemporanea: la mascolinità tossica.Perché gli uomini dei si comportano spesso in maniera aggressiva? Perché molti non riescono ad esprimere le emozioni? Perché ai figli maschi viene insegnato a "non essere una femminuccia"?Molte di queste domande trovano un'interessante risposta in questo libro. Molte altre vengono lasciate al lettore come esercizio di analisi.A me è piaciuto tanto, ma credo sarebbe utile soprattutto a quelli che non lo vorranno mai leggere.

I loved this book. Personally, I think one of the most important ways we as men can start to "cure" the problem of toxic masculinity is by sharing our personal stories in a vulnerable way so that other men will feel more comfortable sharing their stories. Jared does this superbly well, as this book in large part is a memoir of his own life and upbringing. Stories about his dad, step fathers, and mom really make this book stand out and keep it from being a heavy, academic read. I flew through this book and highly recommend it, to both men and women. It's time men start getting better and this book is a step forward.

Much needed during a time of political, ecological and economic insanity. Our men desperately need help and our species desperately needs to evolve.

Der Autor analysiert anhand der eigenen Biographie gepaart mit gesellschaftlicher Beobachtung und Kritik das Phänomen der toxischen Maskulinität. Sehr empfehlenswert.