Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-to-Heart Connection

I don't usually write negative reviews, especially about Christian books, but this book really bothered me deeply and I feel like I would be doing a disservice to the Christian community if I didn't write my review.This book was recommended to me by my brother and I was excited to order it and start reading it. And, at first I really was enjoying it.But, once the author got to the practical application, I found his ideas disturbing and could not continue.I don't want to waste your time, so I won't give you too many examples. Here are two:First, I found the author's methods of communicating with children (and teens), in an effort to help them make choices, quite sarcastic and just weird.(As a bit of background, I grew up with a pretty sarcastic Father — so I understand that I may have a sensitivity to that, when it comes to guiding children, that many people may not have.)But, as an example of what I am referring to, the author suggest communicating with kids using phrases like, "I don't know", "maybe so", and "probably not". So, when a kid asks, 'when should I do the chores?' He might say, "I don't know" because he wants the kids to make the decision. But it gets worse as he goes through more examples. His conversation with one kid gets so odd that the kids asks him 'why he is talking so weird?', and if 'he's been drinking', to which he replies, "Probably so". Really? (In fairness to the author, I am going by memory here because I've already thrown the book out.)How is kind of language that helpful or kind or loving or good for building up your child? I just don't get it.The second thing that really bothered me, was his account of an interaction with a female audience member during a talk he was giving.He mentioned that this is an example he likes to give regularly.He waits to figure out who the most vulnerable (my word, because I cannot remember his exact term) female in the audience is. This usually an hour or so into his seminar. Right off, that's a red flag for me. Then he singles her out to help him with a point he wants to make — that everyone likes their freedom and the ability to make their own choices.He goes on to talk about having the woman stand and asking her if she is comfortable talking to him from 'this distance', to which she replies "sure".Then he moves into the audience and stands next to her and says, 'how about now'? She says, 'it's OK, I guess'. Then he says something like, 'how about if I put my hands around your neck and won't let go'? And then he goes on to say something like, "What if I knock you down and get on top of you — and I won't get up? (Again, I'm going by memory here).When I read that, it felt really, really wrong, for a Christian setting, or for any setting for that matter. How does a Christian man think that example is honorable? I cannot imagine, as a man who respects women, using that as an example, ever. Not a chance.Honestly, I was horrified to read that and at that point, I was done with the book.I read that section to my wife and it was over. After that, there was absolutely no chance I could take the author's advice to heart and I certainly would not be using his words with my precious grandson.

If you are a fan of the Bible and a fan of Love and Logic this is the book for you. I can't tell you the difference it has made in my home. Let me give you an actual example. My 9 y.o. has the privilege of sweeping the floor after dinner. He did a great job and I praised him. He also forgot to put the broom away. I gave him a gentle reminder. He said "in a minute" and I said something like "sure honey, just make sure it's put away before bed." He forgot. I put it away for him. Next morning I simple say "hey, remember the broom?" he gets a funny look on his face, "I forgot, sorry mom." I say, "no problem, I put it away for you. But, today when I'm done with the laundry you'll have to fold it before you can go play." He was disappointed but understood. A few days later my husband is calling him to return to the bathroom to pick up his dirty clothes. My son says, "In a minute." I chime in "Honey, don't worry about it, I'll get it for you." My son jumps up and nearly knocks me over yelling, "those are my dirty clothes - I'll get them mom!!" I was laughing so hard, my husband was speechless. A few days later my daughter forgot to do something and I say "no problem honey, I'll get it." My son tells my daughter that if she's smart she'll do it herself. LOL I love replacing my old tools; nagging, yelling, complaining with my new tools. And, the best part for me is that while I am learning new tools that I LOVE I am primarily focused on strengthening the relationship that I have with my children. After reading the book I even had the honor to attend one of their parenting workshops and bought the workbook. I am about to buy the audio version so I can continue to reinforce the methods being taught. I am determined NOT to parent the way I was parented. Happy reading and remember - with God anything is possible.

I went into this book thinking I was reading just another book on parenting. I learned many great tips but most importantly I gained a real revelation of the Fathers heart for me. It was very unexpected and an answer to prayer! I grew up without a dad in my life from age 9-19 so I had been having a hard time really understanding God as Father and Gods discipline I found myself bawling through much of this book! In God changing the way I view Him my parenting has changed and me and my daughter are connecting more than ever before! So if you're looking for more head knowledge this is not the book for you but if you want real heart change and transformation in your life read this book! As a mom who's in school and working I get pretty busy but third book was so good I couldn't put it down and finished it in a week! :-D

This book is far and above the best parenting book I have ever read! My mother purchased it for me to deal with mean co-workers but I have since had a child and the methods are like magic. I "practiced" giving choices to my niece when she would come to visit and I'm glad I got the practice in as it is a new way of operating for me. At one point she was eating strawberries on the couch and I said, "You can not eat strawberries on Auntie's couch. That's it there is no choice you just can't." LOL! I could not think of any options I was ok with! Now I would say, "You can eat the strawberries sitting at the table OR you can sit on the couch without strawberries." It's been great training myself. My daughter is brilliant! She exercises more self control than a lot of adults. I love watching her problem solve and make decisions for herself. I credit loving on purpose for that. I have since purchased this book for several friends and it is mind blowing how quickly a turn around can happen.

A very interesting read such a shame I didn’t have this book when I was raising my children. They were raised under law. After reading the book I felt quite sad as I know my mistakes have caused them problems. However I can’t turn back the clock but I can act differently now. A great read if you are going to be a parent or like me have children. I will work hard to apply these principals to my children even though they are now adults and my grandchildren . Good practical biblical advice. Love from the heart . ❤️

My husband and I run parenting courses for the community, and we have used a lot of different material that has always had very helpful strategies, but this is something very different. No matter what you have read on parenting before, you need to read this book (and see the DVD's).It focuses first and foremost on our heart to heart connection with our children - and keeping this connection for the long haul of our lives together as family. We are not here to control our children, but to help them to realise that they are powerful children who can make choices - and that these choices will have consequences. If we are able to control ourselves as parents and take a step back from trying to control them (and getting ourselves stressed out in the process!), we will be amazed at how our children are able to make great decisions and take control of their actions, and how they will learn to value their connection and relationship with us. We too will see how we can parent without being so stressed out all the time because the only person we are here to control is ourselves.We have used the DVD's running courses for the community as part of our local church. Christians and non-Christians alike have loved it and have seen amazing changes in the relationships with their children at home and in their work relationships with the adults they rub shoulders with.A very powerful mind shift in our thinking as parents and adults - be prepared to have your heart challenged and to see amazing connection with your family if you follow through on this journey to connection. Enjoy!

This was such a refreshing book! A whole new paradigm, basing the raising/disciplining of children on the way God disciplines us. More to do with loving correction and training in making wise choices than in control and punishment.The first chapter probably had the most impact on me, and the rest of the book re-enforced in practical ways the foundation laid in that one.Very helpful; wish I'd had it to hand when I was starting out with my kids.It was recommended to me as a book to read to help me understand my Heavenly Father's parenting of me. So you don't have to be a parent of young children to get something out of it!

I am a cloud....Like the reasoning. It does make sense, though I need to read a few times to get this way of behaving and thinking into my head.

This is an excellent book on a radical parenting method. Instead of seeking obedience and compliance, the book looks at how we can really get to know our children and be close to them and help them learn to make their own decisions- with the consequences that go with that. In our house (with a 5 year old) it has meant less shouting already, and a calmer feel. We are learning to entrust responsibilities appropriately, and our child is learning to cope with the freedom to make choices in a safe way (also appropriately). Note that this is an American book, and it shows in some of the culture, but the ideas are great and easily applicable in different settings.

Completely opposite way of approaching parenting compared to what most of us have used to. It teaches us to parent our children the way God parents us through His Holy Spirit, so simple!!! Three days ago I was SO desperate with my children I was worried one day I would have have enough. I read this book in a day and it brought back the same principles I had learned some years ago but I had forgotten. Now two days after putting these principles into practise my husband and I can see a major difference in our 5 year old boy. We are already getting our relationship back which I have always struggled with him because of me being so angry and punishing him just to make him behave. Would especially recommend this to any parent or anyone working or bringing up children!

Some great principles but also comes across as a little emotionally manipulative. I would say that ‘parenting with love and logic’ has similar principles but less manipulative.

As a single parent (and Foster Carer) loving your kids on purpose is a daily challenge! This book has taken me on a journey from feeling overwhelmed and out of control to feeling empowered and able to focus on what’s important - my connection with the children in my home. I wish I’d read it years ago.

This book was amazing. I felt myself gasping at the new insights into parenting and discipline. A very easy read with some wonderful advice on how to bring up our children with love and loving discipline.

Good book, really great concepts, fits with what I think parenting should be. But I am told that the course book version is even better, with some more practical pointers for applying the ideas in real life.

How to build self esteem and internal control rather than external control through a heart connection with your child. It is a reflection of how God loves us and wants us to love Him. It produces self control and the willingness to do the right thing out of love for Him.

Not quite finished but loving every step of this read! From someone who I would say is quite 'well read' on parenting books I have picked up some really great tools from this book. I find Danny's books very easy to read too which is helpful for a busy working mum of 3 littlies!

Fantastic book - often recommend to other parents. Full of great stories and examples. The theoretic background behind his model for discipline really makes you think about why you do what you do

This is a really helpful book, encouraging a loving approach to bringing up your children, rather than a dictorial, controlling way. Has challenged areas of my parenting.

I have been looking to change my parenting skills for a while now reading lots of books and trying new things. This book however has had the most effect in the smallest amount of time. My son after only 30 minutes of changing the way I spoke to him commented things were much better now I let him make his own decisions about stuff. My daughter is learning from her messes and I'm much more chilled and happy knowing I am loving my kids on purpose and helping then to grow into the world having freedom to make decisions and mistakes.