Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale

If this book had been written by anyone else i don't think it would have been published. I believe the only reason it was published was because it has David Duchovny's name on it and the publishers were counting on his celebrity to sell it. Having read this book i question all of the raving and positive reviews and wonder if there isn't a bit of paid reviewing going on, but that's another story. I disliked this book for several reasons:-The story telling is sloppy and the writing kind of poor. However, i don't know if that's just Duchovny's writing or if it's intentional as he was trying to write it through the mind of an intelligent cow.-There is a lot of bad writing. Here is one example: Tom jumps off of a cliff to try and fly and because he can't, being a turkey, he falls. "Shalom and I ran to the edge and looked down just in time to see Tom hit the ground with a grunt and a thud and roll a few times beak over tail feather. It was funny the way a cartoon is funny." That's bad writing. If something is funny, the reader will pick up on it. You don't have to, shouldn't have to, and shouldn't tell the reader it's funny. It's a sign of poor writing if a funny scene can't be picked up as funny by the reader and it's insulting to the reader to tell them it's funny because it implies they aren't smart enough to get it. As i'll get to later, this is a small example of trying to force stuff in the book, in this case humor. A better sentence would have been: "...Tom hit the ground with a grunt a thud and roll a few times beak over tail feather, like a character out of a cartoon." The scene is still funny, it's successfully described, and it allows the reader to pick up the humor without the pretentious "Hey you reader! This is funny."-Too much use of pop culture references and many cliche references at that. I felt claustrophobic in all the pop culture. Yeah, we get it. Elsie is modern and recognizes stuff of the day but it's too much and feels way too forced, like someone trying to be liked by everyone by referencing pop culture so they seem cool and likable. It's the same with a lot of the humor and wit as well, it doesn't flow naturally it comes off too forced.-The language. I don't mean profanity. I saw another review complain about profanity but i didn't notice much in the book. No, much of the language in this book is the slang and language that the cool hip young people use. Like the pop culture referencing there is an over saturation of it in the book. Duchovny is 54 years old and his use of the language and slang of young people is sad. It feels like an old dad trying to bond with a teenage child by using the language the teenager use: "Yo dawg, what's up bro? You wanna listen to some phat beats or cap some a's in Call of Duty?" It's sad when dads try to do that and it doesn't fit in the book either, it all feels too forced. While young people do use certain language and slang, their vocabulary isn't dominated by it. That's not how they all talk all the time.-I didn't think the book was very funny or very witty. While there is wit and humor, i personally didn't not find it "laugh out loud hysterical" as other reviewers have stated. This is why i have suspicions about some of the reviews, especially ones praising the book as the greatest thing since sliced bread.-Too much breaking of the 4th wall/ using asides (an 'aside' is when you speak to the audience). It's a unique effect in film, theater, literature...but by definition unique means it's rare and not used repeatedly. Too often in "Holy Cow" Elsie breaks with the story to reference the fact that she referenced pop culture or that she told a joke. If a character tells a joke or makes a reference, we can read that. We don't need or want that same character to be like "Hey! Look what i did!"-Plot is dull. I believe the forced wit, humor, and references of pop culture are meant to be filler precisely because the book is dull. According to the intro this was originally meant as a kids book so i can understand the pop referencing to "adult" the story up and make it longer but now the book is stuck in a kids book-adult book limbo and doesn't really work either way. There is next to no conflict...so why should i care about the characters? There is very little character growth (mostly because there is little conflict) so, again, why should i care about the characters? The basic plot is thus: The main characters don't want to be eaten. Ok, i can accept that; and? So they decide to leave the farm for India, Israel, and Turkey. Ok, i can accept that too; and? There is no 'and' that's it. Half way through the book they are all still on the farm! For all the talk about going to certain countries, it's really short. There is maybe 2 chapters (which are short) on travel. They land in and immediately leave Turkey. Same with their stop in the Middle East. In India they can't have been there more than a few weeks (which you don't hear about by the by) and then they are leaving again.-Peace in the Middle East is achieved via hating a common enemy and bonding over a shared God. Firstly, so it's bad that Jews and Muslims hate each other and are fighting. Ok, i can understand that. But somehow it's ok for them to hate and fight someone else as long as they are together? There is no logic in that and if this really was meant to be a kids book what kind of message is that for children? Second, Duchovny's knowledge of religion is extremely shallow at best. Christians, Muslims, and Jews do not worship the same God. They all claim to worship the God of Abraham, but guess what? To each group Abraham's God is different, hence the differences and conflicts. So no, there would be no instant "wait, our gods are the same!" Also, the modern conflict isn't even about religion it's about land and statehood so bonding over religion and a common enemy wouldn't matter anyway.-The Ending. The ending is some post-modernist philosophical drivel poorly done. The premise of the story is that life is bad, so let's escape and find peace. Turkey and Israel hold no answer so they get to India and nirvana and peace are achieved (for only the trio, i guess the rest of the world is screwed, sorry starving kids in India). Their peace is only achieved because Elsie is treated as holy and worshiped as a god; Tom and Shalom only get peace by their mere association with Elsie-it's trickle down peace. Then some purer extremist cows come and Elsie, instead of rejecting the extremists, allows them to dictate to her and throws away the worship and pampering that gave her peace. The next chapter is about Elsie going back and preaching mutual respect and how we're all equal and it all can be a recipe for peace (this last part is presumed not actually stated). Um, what? Elsie only got peace by being worshiped and pampered. So we're all suppose to worship each other? Only things that can be held higher than oneself can be worshiped, if we are all equal then it's not possible. The new message is supposed to be that mutual love and respect will bring peace. Peace, love, and sunshine didn't work for the hippies in the 60's why would it work now? The entire flaw with the idea is the roots in post-modern philosophy but it's too long to talk about. Aside from not possible it's just not realistic. A utopia where there is no bad and only good...doesn't have any good either. If you don't have bad how do you know what's good? Seeing and breathing are amazingly great things but everyone takes them for granted as neutral, "eh, i just have them" because they've never been blind or couldn't breathe. The same neutral view would happen in utopia. Also, it denies human nature. There will never be peace because there is greed and envy, plain and simple.If you want to read the book, get it from a library. Don't get sucked in because a celebrity wrote it.

WARNING THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!Its been a while since I've been excited enough for a book to participate in a pre-order. (Deathly Hallows.)I wanted this book the day it came out and not a moment later. Initially my interest was sparked by the author, I'm not going to lie. I'm a long time fan of Duchovny. That being said, with all the excitement I knew I had to be hard on this book for that very reason.I need not have worried.The premise of the novel, the three animals searching for an escape from their inevitable fate as dinner (among other things)for humans, seems simple enough. However this story is really anything but simple. On the surface "Holy Cow" is a hilarious, irreverent allegory that pokes fun and stretches the imagination (case in point, Tom the turkey flying a plane). The story, I believe is targeted for all ages, was an easy read and I would not hesitate to allow my kids to read it.There were several 'laugh out loud' moments for me, including Joe/Shalom's delightfully impertinent observation that "Jews are just Christians with longer sideburns. And a better sense of humor". The pop culture references (and the explanation thereof) and the fact that Mallory the cow has the vocabulary of a teenage girl were highly amusing, especially when read out loud to my co-workers.If one wished to, one could leave it at that and chalk this novel up to a delightful, witty and outlandish talking animal story, and keep going.I, personally, found many parts of this novel to actually be deep, philosophical, political, environmental and cultural. The underlying notion that indeed animals are more than just mindless masses who exist only to feed, clothe and amuse the human race really gets you thinking. As does Elsie's description of the "Box God" and the way the whole human family is mesmerized by it, "What a strange god that instead of bringing people together, divides them.". Through Elsie's eyes, humans look like heartless, selfish greedy and pathetic creatures and I'm not so sure I disagree with her bovine view of the world. Elsie, Shalom, Tom and even Joe the camel really don't pull any punches about humans and how we consume everything we touch. There really is no end to our cruelty.I think for me, the moment where Elsie realizes that her lost mother was actually taken off to be slaughtered and butchered really hit home, the fog of depression she finds herself in, the horror she feels, the pain and the loss. It's written simply but it hurts to read it. The banging of her head against the wall, her inability to really even comprehend the horror of her future, and her inability to do anything about it is a hard hitting moment.The fact that by an "accident" Joe and Shalom begin a peace process between Palestine and Israel may seem a little far fetched, but they do have a point. Coming together against a common enemy or hatred is something that humans excel at, for better or worse. In this case that common factor just happens to be poor Shalom.Tom's moment in the plane, looking out the window really got to me, his tears as he looked at the ground far below. His dream to fly has come true, though not in the way he expected. This was perhaps one of the most poignant moments in the book. This also seems to be another theme running through the story, these animals dream of a better life and they get what they wanted, but its not quite what they expected or perhaps, in the end, even wanted. Shalom's realization that he doesn't want to live safe but reviled, and Elsie's that she doesn't want to compromise her ideals in order to be worshipped after all really drive that point home. There's a strong "the grass isn't always greener" lesson to be learned here.I think my favorite part in the entire book is the scene on the beach in India with the "Goddess Cows" and the "Silly Cows" (there is mention of drug use here but its pretty mild and would probably go over the heads of most younger audiences). This part was honestly so profound it moved me to tears. The fact that Elsie saw all people/animals as the same. To her, religious differences didn't exist, she wasn't better or different because of a religious belief and neither was anyone else, animal or human. Her unfaltering loyalty to her friends in the face of the "Goddess Cows" and their superiority really moved me. And her unwavering response to all of this _ "I. Am. An. Animal."Aren't we all?Buy, borrow, do what you can, but read this book! You won't regret it.

In a light-hearted story of three very different animals becoming friends and navigating a crazy world together, it is a hopeful allegory of acceptance, renewal and growth of human and animal-kind.

I knew I'd like this and I did. It's silly, eye-rollingly silly, but not for a moment anything short of cute, clever and wholly entertaining - exactly as I'd expect from this author. Elsie Bovary is a complacent dairy cow whose happy existence is shattered by the realisation that cows get eaten by people. In an 'Abe's Oddysee' move (you know the first time you play it? Before you know you're meant to save everyone?) she plots an escape to preserve her own life, and ends up allied with a Jewish pig and a tech-savvy turkey, who both also have jet-setting dreams of their own. She sets off for India, where she'll be revered and loved. On the way they learn a lot about the human condition, steal a plane, apparently manage to pass as humans and possibly resolve the tension in the Middle East. The storytelling is erratic and puntastic, definitely intended as a light, thoughtful, playful read, with frequent breaks in the fourth wall where Elsie narrates why she's suddenly changed to screenplay mode, or to point out product placement, or to lament that her editor wants to market this book as a children's book. NOT a children's book, btw, in case you're wondering. Just a fun, cheeky, light read for an adult, vegetarian or carnivore; either way you'll still get a giggle.

I love this book. Its very easy reading and very funny. Being a big fan of David Duchovny there was no question I was going to buy this book, so when I bought it, I just thought oh its David, I have to buy it. But no, I actually read it with anticipation and really enjoyed it. The main character is a cow trying to get to India to worshipped along with a motley crew of farm animals trying to reach their own holy places where they can also be worshipped, but by the end....nah, I won't spoil it for you. Buy it and read it for yourself. You won't regret it.

I had already had the privilege to read some of Mr Duchovny's unpublished work in the past, so already knew what a good writer he was. And was so thrilled when he finally wrote a novel. It's aimed at intelligent kids and adults with a great sense of humour, in my opinion. An existential masterpiece. A downright romp with Elsie the cow and her friends Jerry the pig and Tom the Turkey, who's aim is to leave the farm they lived in in NY and prevent being eaten. You would think the book is trying to convert meat eaters to vegetarians? However this is clearly not the case. The book also touches on religious aspects and other more serious issues, but in a light hearted way, so you cannot take offense. In the end we are ALL animals - we are all Holy Cows!

Absolutely loved this book! Duchovny has a great voice and he has a wicked sense of humour! It’s a very different story and you do need to suspend your disbelief, but it’s an incredibly enjoyable read.

I really enjoyed this book. It's surprisingly thought provoking in places & made me laugh out loud a good few times. It's pretty short but for the price that's ok by me. I found it really easy to read with a very likeable main cow-aracter (I apologise, I made myself cringe then! I clearly mean character).

I got this book because I am a David Duchovny fan and it isn't something I would have chosen otherwise, not my usual sort of reading material. I am so glad I read Holy Cow though, it was so funny and enjoyable. I was laughing out loud as I read it and would definitely recommend giving it a go, it is unlike anything I have read before and I hope very much that he intends to write more books.