Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido Paperback – February 5, 2005

Although I appreciate David Schnarch’s insights on sexual relationships, I found Pertot’s book more useful to me, partly because she is addressing women. In fact, she is critical of Schnarch’s promise of “wall-socket” sex. She notes that women can sometimes have good orgasms, but then say, “So what?” There are other feelings that are more important to them. Her focus is on relationship sex – on “emotional contact through the physical senses.” She begins from the premise that your sexual needs are not your partner’s responsibility and that sex is not a right in a relationship. Therefore, it behooves each person to develop emotional closeness that flows into whatever form of “lovemaking” is appropriate and unique to each couple.

I didn't have high expectations for this book but was surprised by how solid and comforting Sandra Pertot's advice is. Much of the book is just plain good advice about relating to an intimate partner, written in a style and tone that I found quite readable. The book helped me understand what happened and what might have gone differently in a relationship I was in that recently ended (mostly because of mismatched libidos). I especially appreciated how Pertot appraised the current cultural beliefs about sex and libido as context for her ideas.

Dr. Pertot's experience counselling all kinds of couples shines through the entire work. And the most important word here is COUPLE; she never elevates one partner's viewpoint above the other, and she never forgets that her book is as much for men as for women.One reviewer asserts that there is a lot of "man bashing" in this book. Well, I guess I missed that. I read the entire text, and I am not a woman. (Or at least no one has suggested that I am.) I loved the book; this writer absolutely nailed it.Another reviewer suggests the book is too "touchy feely". I guess I missed that too, although all men are different. If you're a man, read the book and make your own decision. Your relationship is worth doing your own thinking, and I think you'll find that this writer understands your needs and offers tremendous help.

In my opinion, this is a must read book for any man that wants to understand what sex in relationship is really about. I could not understand my wife and I was a hundred percent sure that there had to be a serious problem with us, but now I have realized that I had no clue about the sexual part of a relationship. Thank you very much for opening my eyes and helping us at the same time. We needed it.

This book helped me understand my wife's libido fairly well. I also highly recommend Sandra's other book about Libido Types. These books together helped me clear up some misunderstandings I had about womens' sexualtiy. Because on the one hand you hear about women that are into sex and on the other hand you hear about how women need so many other needs met before they are interested. Well, I guess both opinions are right because as the author points out (I believe correctly) that there is so much more variety in womens' sexuality than in mens'. By the way the author claims to have 30 years experience as a sex therapist and it shows. She is thoughtful, reasonable, and even handed. She explains to us guys that by expecting your wife to have sex with you, you are actually turning her off more. This was a very important insight for me. Hopefully it will prove true.

This book is a must for any woman of any age who worries there is something wrong with her because she doesn't have hot, lusty feelings for sex, or who often finds breast or genital stimulation is a turn off rather than a turn on if she is not already relaxed and feeling intimate. It's nice to know this is "perfectly normal" for many women, and Sandra explains why so many women feel that way. She doesn't promise to have the solutions for you to get these lusty feelings, but then, as she says, no sex therapist can or should make this promise. Instead, she gently supports you to not be discouraged by this but to explore your own sexuality, and to find your own reasons for wanting sex. She shows you the way to break the vicious negative cycle you and your partner have been in, and to confidently build a good sex life together. Once you have read it, get your partner to read it as well.

Well written and a fast read. The content is excellent. Both low and high libido folks will appreciate the tips and explanations of the problems, conflicts, etc. A must read for couples fighting over mismatched libidos.

This is the first book I have read on women's sexuality, of many read, that accurately described my sexuality, gently and clearly explained the aversive cycle my partner and I had shifted into, and put it all in a way that he could understand and relate to. It's probably going to take a while for us to heal, but I feel hope in a way I haven't for a long time. I had resigned myself to the quality of our sexual relationship being an impasse we had to accept. Thank you for writing this Sandra.