Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself Kindle Edition

All I kept saying to myself during my read of this book was "Holy Crap!!!" And I'm only through a quarter of the book!! I'm tempted to call my narc husband and tell him that someone wrote his biography, because this book reads like HIS PLAYBOOK!! My gut kept telling me all along something was wrong, but since my husband is real good at maintaining the facade of caring, and an expert at downplaying my feelings and doling out the intermittent presents, I had a hard time reconciling the 'caring' facade with the cold sadistic attitude. This author shows why I and you are targeted by narcissists (being successful, and/or empathetic), and how your best qualities are used against you by the twisted narc. I really was feeling stupid after wasting years on a narc spouse, but in truth, the reason I was used is because I'm a good person and therefore a predator narc's primary target for abuse. The author also gives a list of red flags to identify a narc, so you don't waste time on them ever again. Of course there are strategies to deal with any narc that is currently in your life. I would encourage anyone who is in a relationship, even a familial relationship, in which you feel something is wrong, but you can't quite pinpoint the cause....READ THIS BOOK!! You may just find the answer to your confusion and pain...I'm not done reading this book yet, but one thing I can already clearly understand....any narcissist or borderline personality disorder type person who reads this book is going to HATE it....because it EXPOSES them!!!

This is not the first book I have read on NPD. I wish this would have been the very first book I read, instead. It would have saved me of much headache and heartache. I am not finished reading this book, but I had to come in here and provide a review already. Just from the very first pages, this book has been able to help me understand my own personal situation with the narcissist in my life. A book that finally says it clearly the way it is and with sounded advise, not just for professionals in the field, but for the regular folk who has unfortunately been the victim of narcissist abuse. Because we have to call it for what it is: Abuse. I wish the courts in this country would be given this book and more education on this matter, especially when there are children involved. Courts force you to share custody with the narcissist parent when children and the former spouse should actually be allowed to keep contact to a minimum or no contact at all. In this particular case, exposure to the narcissist is not really a good idea for developing spirits and minds. Anybody who knows anything about NPD will tell you that the best thing to do is to go no contact. Other books suggest to remother the narcissist or do this or that. It does not work with these individuals because in their minds, they are always right and the whole world is conspiring against them. That's the main reason why neither the courts, nor supposed trained professionals can provide a diagnostic of NPD for those individuals because they can put a great act together for the whole world to see. By the time you realize what you're dealing with, you're already caught in their web of lies and deceive. Shahida Arabi explains all of this very clearly, in a way that anybody can understand. She has included clear examples of situations that are the "norm" for those suffering from this abuse. Anybody can see the scars left by violent physical abuse, but when it comes to emotional abuse, it is very difficult to prove in court or even to those who may be close to the victim. Shahida explains all the tools that a narcissist will use to control those around him or her. She shares her own personal and professional experience, as well as those of victims who have entrusted her with their own experience. Some reviews say that she's a bit repetitive at times. I have noticed that while reading the book. But believe me, repetition can be good to make some points, especially after you have been a victim yourself. Some things need to be repeated more than once because you have been gaslighted so much that you have trouble discerning reality from fog and you keep doubting yourself after so much abuse of this kind.For what my own personal opinion might be worth, and from the view point of someone who has suffered the abuse of a narcissist, this book is a must-read. If you're lost and you don't know where to go, you feel isolated and your gut feeling is telling you that something has to change and you don't know who to trust or where to go for help, start with this book. It will help you understand your own situation, why the narcissist in your life treats you kindly one moment to completely ignore you or put you down the next; why that person accuses you of being controlling when you feel you have absolutely no control over your life and you feel that he or she is actually controlling you, instead; you will understand where did that loving, caring, compassionate person of the early stages of your relationship has gone and why you might be now dealing with someone who doesn't even resemble that soulmate of yours; and more. I love the fact that she's been there and she's done her hard work to understand this pathology not only from a victim's stance, but from a professional point of view.I also got the Kindle version since it is free when you buy the book and I had absolutely no problems downloading it. I had noticed a few slight changes from the paper to the electronic version (I'm guessing one is a newer edition, not sure why there're these slight differences, but it seems to just be an editing thing.) But there are minimal and it doesn't affect. I love that I can read the book on my tablet or from the paper copy with no problems.I think I said enough. I could go on talking about it, but I will let the book speak for itself. Read the sneak-preview in here. If you're a victim, I'm sure you'll identify yourself even in those few pages. That's what happened to me. Only a victim can understand what I mean.

As I read this book, I feel like I've been released from an insane asylum. My mother showed all the indicators of textbook NPD, and not surprisingly, at least one of my older siblings did, too. I've also come to understand that many of my close relationships are/were with narcissists. It's as though everyone in the asylum insisted that "No, this is normal behavior. We can't understand why you're so upset and think things should be different." Now that I see how narcissistic games work, I'm no longer bound by them. When I choose to have contact with one of them, it is brief and I simply do not go along with their distorted perceptions of "how things are". There is no struggle or argument, only benign non-cooperation. My overall feeling is freedom - freedom to do as I please without fear of angering someone, freedom from constant blame/guilt, and the ability to clearly distinguish healthy relationships from unhealthy ones. For me, this book is priceless.

Disappointed - nothing new here for me. If you've never ready any material on dealing with a narcissist, then perhaps this will be helpful for you. But for someone who's been reading about it for a few years, this was the same old "No contact" advice as all the others. Thinking about contacting them? Here's a list of things to distract yourself, like getting a massage. But still, it's just "No contact.".Also I found the title deceiving. there's nothing here to become the N's nightmare. It's just "No contact". That's truly solid advice, but in no way creates a nightmare for that special someone who has no soul.

TThis book has very little structure to speak of, it has many grammatical and punctuation errors and is packed out with entries from fellow 'victims' to an absolutely wearying extent. It is as if whole threads from support forums have been cut and pasted in to pad out the book. I don't know if it is meant to be a book or a blog but either way the poor presentation is really distracting.I'm glad that I isolated as many quotes as I did using my Kindle at the beginning because the first two chapters contain a lot of wisdom which while little of it is new to me I thought was really well expressed, informative and concise. However it became increasingly difficult to work my way through the book since increasingly I could not detect in which direction we were heading. After many pages of sufferers individual quotes there then seem to be at least two huge texts, going on for pages which turn out to to be written by other people. I kept looking back to see if I had missed the authors return. Then a chapter begins with the author's voice saying "Shahida here again" ...or some such ! I have never ever bought a book before when the author goes off for a long break while someone else takes over. We hear from her again and then there are more huge screeds of quotes from people expressing their difficulties with narcissism again...and I mean pages and pages.Throughout this there is a detectable thread concerning self care and rehabilitation which I actually found very helpfulI bought the book because of the intriguingly ambitious heading and having read and studied narcissism and having experienced a long lifetime of various narcissistic abusers. However it never really delivers on the basis of its promise.There are some really good shards of wisdom well expressed but they keep disappearing under disharmonious tidal waves of information which do not constitute a book. The washes of superfluous commentary take way the effect of much of the carefully structured good advice. I can scarcely remember the former now. (thank you Kindle ) .There was a long (and very good) piece at the end of the book analysing and describing narcissistic rage. However it just feels to have been 'tacked on', it does not end the book or bring it to a conclusion, rather it opens up more analysis and uncertainty. I wish that it had appeared closer to the beginning so that all of the coping and healing advice could have related to it.Summing up, the author is clearly a remarkable person who is giving a great deal to those whom she sees as fellow sufferers. Her primary analysis of the problems of living with and recovering from Narcissistic abuse was excellent I thought. However this is offset by a confusing lack of structure, poor presentation ( was there a proof reader ?) and far too much quoting rather than just referencing. There is a sense of the book having been rushed into print. I have just finished the book and feel rather unsatisfied and a bit frustrated.However as already stated the author is extraordinary and I'm glad that she is out here working for others.

If there was the option of a 10 star rating, this book would have it. I have to say, hands down that this book has literally been my survival guide after I left my husband three months ago. I only stated reading it this week. I never even knew what was happening to me until we went to marriage guidance and the psychologist asked to see me alone and told me that I was a victim of severe domestic abuse. I read books on coercive control and domestic abuse during the last few months but my husband didn’t quite fit that profile. I stumbled across this by accident when I read a quote by Shahid about narcissistic abuse that summed up my relationship. I was gob smacked when I starting reading this book which is literally a blow by blow account of my entire relationship. I am so glad I found it as the “hoovering” has started and I can at least be prepared for the “smear campaign” I have gone “no contact” this week thanks to this book. If you are a SURVIVOR of a controlling, manipulative or psychologically abusive relationship or think you may be in one, I urge you to buy this book. I purchased the kindle copy but will buy a hard copy just to be able to make my own notes in the margin and will take it with me every day to read parts to keep me strong. Please please please make available in Spanish language. I live in Spain and they are way behind here on awareness and literature on this subject.

Don't really know what to think about it. As someone who studies psychology & communication, I somehow feel it's overlooking certain important areas of dynamics with other person (ie. narcissist) and fails to include behaviours which are proven to be useful when dealing with toxic people (including narcissists).In the past I've read and watched many more useful materials, so this book seems ordinary in comparison. Arabi's "Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care" was much, much better. Some women may still find this position empowering and inspirational, though, so if you're not sure about it, just give it a go and see for yourself if you like author's way of approaching the subject.

Anyone who has been the victim of narcissistic abuse will recognise this book's value in recovering from the mind games and psychological damage these individuals inflict. It gives you the tools to repair your sense of identity and worth and know that you can heal. I would caution victims however, if they think that they can serve Devine retribution on such damaged persons. This certainly is not a book advising revengeful action. Rather it equips you with the techniques to deny the 'food' that feeds their behaviour and provides the means to nurture and nourish your self and move on.

Very good book, this book struck too many light bulb moments. It helped me to letting go, thinking that trying to help some one see sense but really they sucked me in for more attention. I now see these people far too often and now just do not engage with them. So much happier now. Thanks for writing.